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Taking a leap- join if you like! :)

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  • #236749
    Emelie
    Participant

    Hi all,

    So I’ve hung around this site for many years now. I’m all about personal development, mental health and being intentional about life. So I’ve got a lot out of tiny buddha so far. The time has now come for me to create an account and contribute myself. The purpose of this thread is rather selfish; to create a place where I can document my journey to land a new job (dare I wish for a “dream job”?), and to be accountable.

    A quick background to myself and my current situation; I am 29, of Swedish origin, however have not lived in my home country for many years. I graduated from university in the UK in June 2017. Was tired and burned out + wanted to make the most of the opportunity to one last time take some time to work on my riding (I have many years of experience in the equine industry). So wanted to do that for a year before getting in to a career job. Went to Germany to work as a professional rider. Had an accident only a month after starting the job, which forced me to resign and pursue the career job earlier than planned.

    Got a job in accounting, at the dream company in February this year. Accounting is not what I want to do, but I loved the company and its mission and thought I might be able to find something more interesting once I had a foot in the door. 9 months down the line and my dream of this company is officially dead… The pay is on the lower end in the industry, the hours are crazy, no flexibility and a non-existing work-life balance. Some people might say one should do a couple tough years before you get rewarded, but I just feel like a f*cking loser for sitting in the office at 9pm on a Friday, having already worked 4 hours for free that day. Can’t do it. Don’t want to do it… I have suffered massive health issues since taking this job as well. Oh, and did I mention I went to the Netherlands for it, then moved to Malta three months later as the entire department was relocating? (Which management had not told anyone, but the highest manager in the office, when I was hired. So those who hired me didn’t actually know themselves.)

    So a lot of change, pressure and chaos to sum up my time since graduation.  Things have calmed down a bit in the office, but I left my notice a month ago, so only have one month left now. The plan is to go home for the holidays and January (I’m turning 30 in January, so would love a proper celebration with my family). Then start a new job in February. My dream career is to be working in political risk. I want to work with emerging markets, political events and research them, analyse and look at large sets of data, then summarise and write about it from a financial point of view. I want to work in the industry. It has to be applicable to real life and real products and solutions. So academia is not a option. I want to make money and have a career. This is what I wanted from the beginning. I never really believed I could though, even though I honestly have the skills and early experience for it. It’s niche, competitive and as this is my dream job, I am almost thinking; why would I be able to get in to a career in this (I’m just assuming this is everyone’s dream job, so making it lots more competitive in my mind, eventhough I understand intellectually not everyone wants to work in this)!

    Resigning was primarily to get the ball rolling; I have made a committment now to change jobs, so now I better find something! I also desperately need to relocate; Malta has been quite the experience, but I am missing my old lifestyle; being active and outdoors and having the horses around me. I need to be somewhere where I can go hiking and be outdoors in the weekends and above all; somewhere I can bring my horse (which is currently being taken care of by my mother) and continue to train and compete. Switzerland would be the dream; it’s Europe so could definitely bring the horse there, they speak German (I need to improve mine), there is access to great trainers etc to do my riding, lots of nature and salaries are very good (I have some debt I would like to tackle aggressively once I have a new job). I would consider other locations, but Switzerland is at the top of my list!

    So if you have made it this far (well done! :D); my idea is to check in here every day and post an update. It will be to-do’s, what I have accomplished, and general reflections. Basically, I want to do something with this every day now. It’s not super urgent, as I actually don’t want a new job until 2,5 months from now. But I want this to be my top priority right now, and sharing the journey here might be a good way to keep track of my progress.

    Today I have sent in a second application for a graduate programme, in Switzerland. Yesterday I applied for another area in the same graduate programme. So now I need to take a dreaded numerical reasoning test for each of them. That will be a task for tomorrow!

    Feel free to comment, share your own story or join with your own career change project! 🙂

    #236811
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Emelie

    Reminded me of a book I read: Between Trapezes: Flying into a New Life with the Greatest of Ease – by Gail Blanke

    “But what if we could learn to embrace uncertainty and propel ourselves forward with a sense of curiosity and adventure, rather than fear and trepidation?” – Gail Blanke

    Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I’m hurdling across space between the trapeze bars.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives. And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition zone — between the trapeze bars — allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens.

    It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening. Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly. Judy Banks

    Looking forward to hearing what happens Next

    #236833
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emelie:

    I can imagine the frustration working Friday at 9 pm, four hours of unpaid work. Switzerland reads wonderful to me, lots of hiking opportunities, although now so much in winter, perhaps. I am looking forward to read more from you.

    anita

    #236871
    Emelie
    Participant

    Hi Peter and Anita,

    Thanks for your input. It does encourage me a little bit to see someone read this wall of text! 😀

    Peter; Don’t get me wrong; I am absolutely terrified. And, in fact, I feel like I am quite far from being able to embrace uncertainty. I am definitely a worrier, and it gets worse when I am not in a great shape mentally. At the same time. I have an ideal, and I honestly think I would get deeply unhappy if I didn’t pursue it. Somewhere deep down, I think I can, but I have soooo many layers of mental blocks, unhappiness, fear and panic to overcome before I can concentrate on what I need to do to get there. I takes so much mental energy to overcome all that and start doing. But I know I just need to take action. I can be extremely driven and stubborn once I get going and have my mind set on something!

    Anita; I didn’t even mention the two weekends/three weeks I worked in a row. I was told that is how the field of finance is. Well, that is easy to say to someone like me who’s got nothing to compare with. Personally, I don’t buy this, but at least I am going to find out for myself. Maybe, just maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. I can work more during busy times, but then I expect to work less during less busy times. Not normal or sh*tloads. As for the outdoor life in the winter; I love skiing, so now that I have recovered from my injury I am looking forward to go skiing once I go to Sweden, and Switzerland eventually. 😀

    Today I have taken the numerical reasoning test. Out of all parts in an application proccess, that is what scares me the most. I hate, hate, hate them. To be honest I am not that good with numbers. I’m ok. Average in the world of finance, and above average in the general population I’d say. But definitely not great. There’s a lot you can do during an application proccess to project a nice image, and I have most of that down; social skills, presentation, and great applications, but psychometric tests you can’t fake. I am not saying I am a fake, but it is definitely the part I feel most insecure about. I have passed these tests in the past, but I always imagine everyone applying for these type of jobs, are math genious. But now I have done it, I felt reasonably prepared, and honestly did my best. I am proud of myself just for doing it. I think it went alright, but I don’t know. It’s out of my hands now, and that is probably the one occasion I don’t worry. Once I have done something, such as a test or interview, I am over it. There’s no point in thinking about it anymore. I have done my part and that is it. I really hope I am selected to continue in the application proccess, I want this so bad!

    Tomorrow, hmmm… I think I will work on a speculative application to an insurance company that do credit and political risk. I won’t be able to finish and send it in, I spend more time than that on an application. But I’ll aim to send it in on Friday. It’s a Swedish company, with a base in Stockholm (which, again, I don’t really want), but they have an office in Oslo, which I could imagine going to, or if they’re interested and it seems good, I might suck it up for a little bit and then move on from there. I just want to send in an application to a place where I’d feel a bit more confident. Being Swedish, I think I’d have an edge there, and I don’t think there’d be a phychometric test either! :p

    #236879
    Joc
    Participant

    Good luck in finding your joy and do not be scared to try many things in life and 30 is another joyful 10 years to 40.

     

    #236965
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emelie:

    You wrote: “I can be extremely driven and stubborn once I get going and  have  my  mind set on something”. If you were a car that drives while the escalator pedal is pressed, then the fear  is like the brake pedal. It  is the friction of braking repeatedly that slows down the drive and is so exhausting: it takes a lot of extra pressing of the escalator pedal when the brake is being pushed at  the same  time.

    Thing is, everyone is afraid. We can’t eliminate it  (I tried…), so it takes mindful living, that is paying  attention to the fear and calming  it again and again, shorten the duration of fear, lessen it, so the friction is not so great and the drive is  not that exhausting. It also takes making wiser and wiser  choices as you go on, to maximize your chances of succeed and minimize your chances of failure, as  there are no guarantees, only probabilities.

    anita

    #236981
    Peter
    Participant

    Don’t get me wrong; I am absolutely terrified. And, in fact, I feel like I am quite far from being able to embrace uncertainty.

    Hi Emelie

    You made me smile as I very much relate. You might not realize it yet but you are leaping which was why your story reminded me of that book.

    It took me 4 years to come up with a plan so that I felt ready to leave the military.  Yet when I finally let go of the “trapeze bar’ it was a moment, literately a second. A terrifying moment but once I let go I was all in and focused as I went back to school not knowing how it was going to work out just that I needed to do it.

    When I look I sometimes wonder did it really take 4 years or was it just that moment of letting go. I don’t know. I have learned that change happens slowly then all at once. That we don’t tend to notice the small changes we make along the way before we leap. Its weird but it wasn’t the leap that turned out to be scary it was all those small changes I didn’t fully notice that was behind most of my anxiety and fear .

    Anyway I hope you keep documenting your process as you go about your transition. Will make for a good story one day.

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Peter.
    #237047
    Emelie
    Participant

    Quick update today as I am really tired and need to start going to bed on time. I have started working on the speculative application for the Swedish insurance company. I made some changes to the cv, so that is finished. I’ll start working on the cover letter tomorrow. Looking at what they do, I think the job might be too technical for me though. I’ll send in an application, but it’ll be a speculative one, so they might not have any openings anyway…

    I just want to make sure I am being more mindful about what job I take this time around. It doesn’t have to be the absolute dream job, but I do want it to be closer to what I want to do, than my current job. I want it to be an improvement.  Also, I need to make sure it’ll be a job that is matching my skills. I have things I am really good at, but pretending those things are maths, numbers and lots of financial modelling is only going to cause more stress in my life, as I’ll end up getting a job which, yet again, doesn’t match my skills. I have another two jobs I want to apply for, apart from this speculative application. So I’d like to get started on at least the most important out of those two during the weekend.

    As for the two applications I sent in this week, they said they will be in touch by the end of November, which I think sounds very reasonable. I don’t mind the two weeks of waiting. But I am not putting my hopes up. I don’t want to get too disappointed…

    Thank you for your replies to this thread Joc, Anita and Peter! I read it all and find it encourageing to know someone is reading and following this!

    I think I am pretty good at doing (some) things that I am scared of, I just wish it would not cause me such massive stress. And after having (not intentionally) lived in 5 different countries in only a little more than a year after graduation, I am so over moving around. I just want to find a place where I can stay for a while. 5-10 years maybe. Find myself a partner, maybe buy a place to live in, and get the chance to focus on other things in life other than all “life admin” that comes with moving around. But I am not so sick of moving that I am prepared to stay somewhere I don’t want to be, just so I don’t have to move again…

    I have been in a really bad place mentally today. I am not going to bed on time, so I guess a lack of sleep does not make it any better. But I compare myself with some girls at the office (most of us are in our 20’s). I know not everything is what is seems, and no one has everything “toghether”. But they seem to at least have “something” going in the right direction. One has just completed a rotational trainee program, and will move to the Swiss headquarters in January, where her boyfriend will also do a rotation (in a different company). They plan to live in Zurich together for a few years. The other one has a boyfriend there who is an absolute catch, Swiss. I’m sure she’ll move there with the job in a year or two as well and unite with her bf… The third one seems like she’s just loving her job and aiming for manager position in the next year, she’s open to moving but seems happy enough here. Then there’s me; single, unfit like never before in my life, deeply unhappy, in the wrong career and soon to be unemployed living at my mum’s. They are fun, fit, good looking and going somewhere. I feel like shit looking at them. Trying to be part of their group, but it’s not easy feeling like this about myself. 🙁

    So much for quick update…

    #237097
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emelie:

    * Correction to my post  to you yesterday: accelerator pedal (not escalator pedal) in a car.

    I read your recent post and would like to repeat a few things you shared  on your thread so far:

    “I’m all about personal development, mental health and being  intentional about life”, you  wrote. You are 29, graduated from university in the UK June 2017, traveled to Germany to work as a professional rider (having had years  of experience  in the equine industry earlier), had an accident a month in, resigned and got a job in accounting Feb 2018 in the Netherland (later moved to Malta, an island country south of Italy where you are currently living and working). The pay is low and  hours excessive, long days and often weekends. You suffered  “massive health issues since taking this job”, and feel like a loser. You left your resignation note at the office October and will no longer work there December of this year.

    You plan on going to Sweden, your birthplace (and for your 30th birthday) this coming December and start a new job February 2019, hopefully in Switzerland and  in the political risk insurance industry, doing research and analysis of large sets of data (not lots of numbers and financial modeling). You want to make good money, aggressively pay off your debt, no longer move around and instead, live  in one place that  you like for the next  5-10 years, to be active and outdoors, hiking in the weekends, skiing in the winter, having horses around  you, particularly your own horse which is currently staying with your mother in Sweden and continue to train and compete as a rider, to find a partner in life, maybe buy your own home.

    You are “extremely driven and stubborn once I get going and have my mind set o n something!” and you are also “absolutely terrified… a worrier… soooo many layers of mental blocks, unhappiness, fear and panic”

    You are scared  of  and hate numerical reasoning tests. You believe  that you are average with numbers in the context of the world of finance but not great. You “project a nice image” in the job application process, “but psychometric tests you can’t fake”. You compare yourself unfavorably to the “everyone applying for these type of jobs.. math genious” and to your co workers in the office, being fit, unlike you, happy, unlike you, having partners and so forth.

    I hope it is okay with you that I did the above summary, is it?

    anita

     

     

    #238153
    Emelie
    Participant

    So yesterday I didn’t do much, other than think and speak to people, which I suppose should not be underestimated. I learned that many people apparently mostly change their cv’s rather than cover letter. I make a few tweaks to my cv to suit the place I am applying for, but I think I should start paying more attention to this.

    I am also starting to think more and more about going to Switzerland, in any way I can. As much as I would love to get the “perfect” job, if I am already there, I think it’d be easier. Of course, I am now starting at the top of my “wish list” but, should that not work out, I will work my way down the list. I find it very hard to keep going and deal with this uncertainty. I’ve never had an issue getting a job before, but then again, I am trying to do something more difficult this time; getting in to a semi-new field in a country I only have weak connections to. In the past, I’d usually take me about 5 applications to get something, but I am counting on around 10 or even 15 this time, to prepare myself… Yeah, so as you can hear on my reasoning, I am sh*tting myself doing this. At least I have your support! 🙂

    I am currently half way through the cover letter to the Swedish company. I’ll finish off and send the application tomorrow. I have also found another graduate opportunity almost as good as the first application I sent in. There’s no real deadline stated, which always makes me nervous, as I am worried the ad will be taken down before I’ve had a chance to apply. I will start working on that application as soon as I’ve sent in the one I am doing now.

    Anita, no problem with your summary, could maybe be good for someone who’s interested, but can’t be bothered reading through everthing I’ve written!

    Peter, thank you for your input. I always find it very comforting and inspirational to hear what other people have experienced. It reminds me I am not alone. In particular I find it comforting to hear other people who made it through transitions in life, who came out on the other side, and look back at it saying, they made it, it was hard, but they are in a much better place now.

    I honestly don’t think (knowing myself) that I will find true happiness and some peace, until I can settle down somewhere. And as I know how much stress and pain there is in moving, I know that even when I do find a place to put down my roots for a few years, it will still take at least 1-2 years until I can really begin to feel happy. In the beginning you have all the annoying life admin to take care of, no support system, and there is just a lot of things to deal with, but as time goes on you make little tweaks to your being in the right direction. You find a better place to live, you slowly start making some friends, you start getting you finances in order, you adapt to language, culture and customs at the new place and all the little things that you didn’t like you have one by one taken care of until you have built up a life for yourself at this new place, that you are happy with.

    That is how I felt in the UK. I had lived there for six years and felt very much at home there. I had made many dear friends among the locals, and had a great flat, knew how everything worked, my English is now near perfection, and I had just built up a life for myself there over the six years that I really loved. It was a very difficult decision to leave all that. But at the end of the day, I knew this was my chance to move somewhere new, and get new life experiences. The timing was good. And I trusted that if I can build up something good there, I can build up something good anywhere, which is what I am now aiming for. And truth be told, I was outright depressed during my first year (probably the most miserable year of my life- I was this close to packing up and moving home) and still deeply unhappy in my second year. But I kind of changed things little by litte, until I was genuinely happy, especially in my 4th and 5th year there (before I started worrying about whether to move or stay, and what was going to happen to me). I remember being on my horse on a random Tuesday morning (classes didn’t start until after lunch that day), gallopping along a stubble field, thinking “life does not get better than this”. It was sunny, I had loads of friends I cared for and who cared for me, I had a good part time job in horses, I got to study in this amazing location at one of the best universities in the country, something that I was genuinely interested in, I lived in a great flat, and just felt so at home where I was.

    I guess it sounds like madness to tear all that down, given what I am experiencing now. But even after everything that has happened since I left the UK, I still believe it was the right decision for me. I have an innate wander lust, and I think I would have probably regretted staying and packed up eventually anyway if I had decided to stay, only feel it was a waste of time to stay, because I could have left so much earlier. What I had not anticipated though, was how difficult it was going to be. I knew it was going to be hard to start over, but not this hard… And I did not anticipate this many curve balls to be thrown my way… Again, not once have I actually regretted my decision to move away from the UK, or wondered if I made a mistake moving. I stand firm in that decision, and deep down I know it was right for me, but never settling and feeling like so many fundamental things in my life are “wrong” and finding myself so far from where I want to be has really taken a toll on me. I feel quite tired sometimes. It’s been an exhausting year and a half since graduation.

    Wow, I am really finding this writing therapeutic! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Emelie.
    #238161
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emelie:

    “I am really finding this writing therapeutic”, good!

    I would like you to know that I will be reading your future posts and wishing you well, even though I do not reply following future posts (unless you state a question or request any particular input).

    anita

    #238187
    Emelie
    Participant

    As I want to catch up, never writing an update yesterday, I will just write another short update today.

    The application is ready to be sent out. Will sleep on it and send it off tomorrow. Then start working on my next application, the one I am super interested in (mentioned above).

    Also on my list is to contact a friend of a friend who works at the company where I applied to this week. Not sure what I want out of it. Maybe just check what he thinks of it. The quota of foreign people (haha!), how he got his job, and if he’s got any advice for me.

    #238205
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Emelie

    Wow 5 different countries in a year. That must have been quite the experience and I can imagine how overwhelming it must be while your in it. When in the future you have a chance to look back I suspect you will discover that each experience taught you something valuable and that you have been able to use as you continue to grow.

    I’m always fascinated hearing stories how people ended up in the careers they landed on. More often then not the path they planed was not the path they took and they were happier for it. Life changes with every breath we take

    I’m not a fan of this search for happiness or plan to be happy someday in the future when everything will be how we imagined.

    If we are constantly planing for happiness we will never take time to be happy. And if we are constantly measuring our state of being, Am I happy now, what about now, Oh yes now… crap what happened to it. Why can’t I hold onto it. Maybe I can recreate the past… step in the same river twice…

    Better I think to embrace life as it shows up. Its OK to be worried and afraid. Notice it hasn’t stopped you from making changes and moving forward and that is brave. Also notice that you have handled everything that has come your way. Sure somethings you handled better then others either way you handled it and you will handle whatever else comes your way as well.

    Most people I know never leave their back yard, never take a chance. You, your out their doing it, your writing your story not having it written for you

    Today is your day.
    You’re off to Great Places!
    You’re off and away!

    You have brains in your head.
    You have feet in your shoes.
    You can steer yourself
    any direction you choose.
    You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
    And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go….

    Out there things can happen
    and frequently do
    to people as brainy
    and footsy as you.

    And then things start to happen,
    don’t worry. Don’t stew.
    Just go right along.
    You’ll start happening too….

    ― Dr. Seuss

    #240399
    Emelie
    Participant

    Peter, it was not how I planned it, but for reasons I went in to detail about above, that was what ended up happening. Lots of experiences for sure. I know I am the opposite to most people for this reason, but there are pros and cons to everything. The obvious downside to the life I have been living is that you cannot build anything sustainable. I have no relationship, no house or appartment of my own, and finances are suffering as it cost a lot to be moving around. I assume people who stay were they are, geographically do so because they want to. I’d never feel sorry for anyone. Some of my friends in long term relationships sometimes say they’d like to move abroad, or they wish they hadn’t settled so early. But at the end of the day they continue to root themselves even more where they are. And to be honest, if your primary goal in life is to have a family, there are biological reasons to start thinking about that in your mid-twenties. I “risk” not having that, as I have made other priorities for myself. I am not sure I will ever want to have kids, but if I decide I do, I will not have much time, because you need to get to know the person properly with whom you’ll have kids, and that does not happen overnight, and you need a stable living situation. So I think if you want to travel, do that, if you want to put down roots close to where you grew up, that is fine too. Whatever you prefer, there’s no right or wrong. I don’t think my, slightly unusual, lifestyle is anymore right than someone else’s more stable life. It’s right for me though. 🙂

    Anyway, since last updating, I finished my speculative application, but I actually decided to hold off for a while. The location is not great for me, and I want to know for sure I did not get a positive response from the other places higher up my list before contacting them. So instead I finished another application today. I will send it off tomorrow. I’m quite happy with it, if I may say so myself! :p It’s for another graduate programme is Switzerland, in credit risk. I already wrote to them asking if one could still send in applications, because there was no application deadline, and it said start during December or by arrangement, so quite soon. So got a positive response, I will sleep on it and then send in tomorrow. Haven’t heard anything from the other graduate program. After this application, I will start looking at some other “normal”, but still junior ads, and think about what I should apply for next.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Emelie.
    #240421
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Emelie

    Its very easy to settle. I had dreamed of travel yet have rooted myself even more to where I am. But I’m ok with that, its my path… and I like having the dream as a dream. Not all dreams need to be realized.

    I like what Joseph Campbell has to say about “following your bliss” Even the struggle along the way is part of it, adding more depth to the experience. Everything you learned along the way will show its useful – just as the small animals and such help the hero along the way 🙂

    “If the path before you is clear, you are probably on someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell

    In the La Queste del Saint Graal –  All of the knights are sitting around the Round Table.  No one is allowed to “eat” until an adventure has occurred…. In those days adventures happened all the time so no one was going to get hungry and sure enough the Grail reveals itself to the Knights — not fully or clearly — but covered with a giant, radiant cloth.  Then, it withdraws — disappearing and leaving all the Knights in desperate awe.

    One of the Knights rises and says, “I propose that we should all go in quest of that Grail to behold it unveiled.”

    The Knights then decide something very interesting.  They vow to each other that they will not go forth in a group, that doing such would be a disgrace.  Instead, a pact is created.  From here, each Knight will venture into the forest at the point of his choosing, when it is darkest and a point where there is no Path.

    According to Campbell, the lesson of the story is a way to live life, to follow one’s bliss.  “To live blissfully each of us must enter the forest at its darkest point, where there is no path.  Where there is a way or a path, it belongs to someone else, it’s theirs and not our own.” – Each of us is a unique phenomenon —

    Pathways to Bliss by  Joseph Campbel (Recommend Read)

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