Sierra

I have learned in the past 2 weeks of my 15 year marriage crumbling a single, immutable fact:

You cannot control what they feel or think. It would be great if we could, but it just can’t happen. So you should control what you can. And that is you. It may feel like the end of the world right now depending on how long you were together, but this too shall pass. I would say that the best revenge at this point is not running out to find someone new to flaunt it in his face or attempting to derail his new relationship, but rather to live your best life. That is what I am doing. Somewhere last night in the soul searching about what I wanted to do and what I could possibly do to save my marriage, it occurred to me that I can’t. Only she can. She is the one who ended it, therefor she is the only one who can save it. So I could sit around and mope and be sad, or I could live my best life. You see, the best revenge is success without them.

I have put in with a firm I have put off applying with for several years as it was kind of out of the way and I already had so little time with my wife and kids, only to find out the schedule is a 4/3-3/4 schedule where you work one Wednesday every other week and get 3 days on, 4 off or vice versa depending on the week. This puts me at an entirely new wage bracket and finally fulfills my quest to find a job using the degree I got a few years back.

I opened a gym account today and started working out again, I got a nice haircut, I bought myself some nice clothes. I made plans with friends that I could never see because of my wife’s jealousy and have started really deep diving into the man I want to be. Partly for her, because I cannot lie to myself, I would like to save this relationship if I can, but there would definitely be caveats in it, but mostly so that I am just better. With her, without her, with the next her. Life will go on, and I do not intend to allow it to go on without me. This might seem rather coarse to say since it was a 15 year marriage with 4 kids, but it is the sad, honest truth. I cannot control what she feels and thinks, I can control how my life is from here forward. If luck has it, it might be me finding myself and allowing her to do the same that lets us find each other again. So that is my advice. Live life out loud. No one regrets traveling, having fun and loving life at the end. They regret all of the times they COULD have done something and did not. So get out there, have fun, be constructive and not destructive while doing so, and he will be a memory that you might think of fondly one day as the catalyst for you changing your entire outlook on life.