Dear MeditateMe:

I think we are all  idiots  this way (“I felt like an idiot”), when we feel badly we want to feel better, we all do, so we entertain this or that thought or activity, so to feel better.

A little summary of your marriage: married for three years, one child.  Recently the relationship “had become very mundane, no affection, no intimacy/sex, etc. and two months ago the two of you decided to go to counseling, couple or marriage counseling, I assume.

My advice: couple counseling is an excellent  idea (may lead to individual counseling by the same  therapist or another). Something happened that has … killed the attraction that got the two of you together, getting married and having a child, anger likely, resentment. Resentment does kill feelings of intimacy very effectively. Such can be brought up in therapy. I attended couple therapy.  My therapist started  us with interpersonal skills,  getting effective communication  going. One principle  in such is EAR, standing  for Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect when communicating  with each other. That can be practiced within therapy sessions and continued in between, a practice that the two of you can persist in and get better  and better at it.

I hope you post again with  your thoughts and feelings regarding your marriage.

anita