Dear Flavia:

It  is very distressing to be attacked by that abusive inner critic. Life would be way less difficult and unpleasant without that critic. This inner critic is  supposed to be there so that we act responsibly in a society, that is its purpose, to tell us to not drive too fast  so that the road can be safer for everyone. But way too often, the inner critic really is an inner bully. It is unkind, blaming, angry, aggressive. And that doesn’t  make us more socially responsible, it makes us suffer unnecessarily.

When your inner critic tells you something you did wrong, and it does so aggressively, evaluate what it tells you and then soften its voice, restate what it tells you in a rational and kind way. Sort  of.. retrain your irrational inner bully  into a rational inner critic. Let’s say you find yourself driving fast on the road  and you hear the  inner bully saying something like: you are a terrible person! What is wrong with you…, retrain it, say to yourself: I didn’t focus for a  moment there and sped.  I should  be very focused while  I drive, not distracted in any  way, look at  the  speedometer,  pay  attention to other drivers, pay attention… good, good job, doing well.

You mentioned your step mother. If you want to, share more about her criticism of you. Your inner critic/ bully may very well be her mental representative.

anita