Hi Perla,

Welcome to the forum!

I just wanted to say that it is a big step for you to acknowledge the fact that there are issues within your relationship. This is a start. Your husband sounds like he was a great man to start with but somewhat lost himself along the way and this emotional abuse has just become his way of being. This isn’t healthy and needs to change.

I know it is easier said than done to say ‘Leave! Do better for yourself! You know you deserve better! You’ll be fine!’ so I will not tell you those things. After all, you have spent many years with your husband and must love him dearly to have lasted this long. You say yourself, when he is not acting up you two actually have a good relationship!

I think there are a few things you need to ask yourself before making any decisions. Do you love this man enough to be willing to work through this IF he is willing to do that? Now I say this because no matter how much you may want to work through your problems, he may be unable to do so at this point in time or ever. That then is your queue to leave as the relationship will just continue the way it is. But it is important that you ask yourself if too much has happened now and you just want out or if you are still willing to work through things. You mentioned that you just want to get out and be away from him now. Is that because of the person he has become or are you just generally done with this relationship now? Ask yourself how your feelings towards him and your relationship would change if he no longer acted this way? Would your relationship be a happy one and continue to strive?

We as human beings are often driven by emotion. The saying goes ‘don’t make permanent decisions on temporary emotions’ and I guess this is what I am trying to do here.

If I were in your shoes, I would take some time out perhaps a weekend with a friend or family where I can have some time to myself outside of the situation and really think about everything. Do I want this relationship to work? What do I want? How do I want my life to look right now? Once I have been honest with myself this way I can then make a decision on my future. If you choose to continue your relationship with your husband then he must be available and willing to work through the problems. Starting with an honest, emotional, raw conversation about everything that he does that may hurt you and vice versa. You must be able to listen to hear one another, not just wait to respond. On the other hand, break ups are always difficult but if you do choose to walk away and build a new life for yourself at least in your lower moments you can always remind yourself that this was a thought through decision and you know deep down it is truly what you want!

Sending lots of hugs your way! I hope it all works out just the way you want it to!