Dear Tristan:

You  wrote: “I find it hard to reach out, I shut down, I push people away even though I really don’t want to be alone”- I figure you find it hard to reach out because you did in the past and didn’t get the love you reached out for. I figure you shut down because being open you experienced pain, and I figure you push people  away because people have hurt you.

We want people around, we are social animals, but when people have harmed us, we are cautious, protective and so there is this conflict, we can’t stop wanting people in our lives, “wanting to be part of a healthy relationship” on one hand and  we are scared of  people on the other hand.

“How to get out when reclusive by nature”- to me the question reads like how do I get out, socialize when scared?

“how to push through shutting down”?- my answer to these  two questions is slowly, gradually, cautiously, selectively.

“how to develop a better relationship with myself?”  – by developing a better relationship with at least one other person. EAR is one guideline of a better relationship with another:  Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect. Have empathy for another and empathy for yourself, Respect for another and  respect for yourself and  assert yourself, a necessary skill, can’t do  without if you want to be  healthy.

I will soon be away from the computer for the next sixteen hours or so, if you post again with your thoughts and feelings  I will be glad to reply when  I return to the computer. I hope other members will reply to you before I am back.

anita