Dear Jean/Madeline:

It is the day after Thanksgiving and I hope you will feel better soon!

I re-read some of your earlier posts and it occurred to me that I misunderstood.

You wrote in your original post and later: “the first red flag. ‘Nancy’ had lived with a married couple who were two of her best friends… secretly making other arrangements behind their back…Which rightfully pissed off the couple who moved out, and haven’t talked to her since. This is a pattern of her behavior.. She sees something wrong, but doesn’t work on it or say anything before its too lat3e, this has happened to 4 of her BEST friends in the past YEAR, including me.. She isolates, doesn’t go  out anymore… she must be depressed… she needs to decide when to  get help and see a professional. But I want to be there for her… I just have a  lot of guilt about feeling like it was my fault, although everyone I’ve talked to says it’s not my fault”.

My input: it is probably both your faults, not her alone. It is no wonder everyone you talk to says it is her fault because this is how you present her to others, just as  you did here. You wrote on this thread, as I quoted here, that she is the problem person, that she  is the problem with all her best friends, including you, that she is depressed, that she needs professional help. So as I read your post I too reacted first with taking your word for it, that she is the one with the problem.

Now I think the two of you contributed tot he ending  of the relationship, you no less than she did. I mean, she may very well be depressed but you are and have been very anxious, by your own account. And it seems like you are isolated yourself.

I suggest that you relax best you can, take a long walk, or a hot bath, and if  you want present the history of the relationship, or  any part of it, in an objective way,  not one that points the blame  to her.  After all,  you haven’t been fooling your own self, feeling guilty, as you stated.

Again, I am sure the troubles of the relationship is the doing of the two  of you. If you wish, present the story objectively, when you are ready, if you are willing,  and I will reply further.

anita