Dear VLC90:

You wrote about the feeling you had in your previous relationship: “the feeling of security and calmness that I felt  with  my ex”. Problem is you got that  feeling every once in a while following the distress you felt  otherwise in that relationship: “he was not affectionate, sex was very selfish… I felt  as though I was not  myself anymore… When  I left the  relationship I felt  immediate  relief and noticed that I had  felt  these uncomfortable feelings  about  my ex  for over a year.”

So for over a year, you felt uncomfortable with your ex, and once  in a while, when you felt  uncomfortable, he would make you feel better. That  calm would  last  for a little while  and the discomfort resumed.

You mentioned Relationship OCD, if that  was part of the  conversations with your ex that made you feel better (?), that means that the… blame  for the  discomfort was placed on an issue you alone have, not him, a disorder  (ROCD), correct?

For a woman suffering from ROCD,  it doesn’t make it so that  every man is the right man for her; it doesn’t mean that all problems in a relationship are a result  of her issues, all a matter of OCD.

Of the two options at this  point, it  seems to me that the “new guy”  is a better option.

anita