You are very welcome, Shelby. The key, I think, is in realizing that you can be genuinely happy and at peace without this man or any other. I know it’s not a perfect situation and not ultimately what you want but it’s still possible. Once you realize this you’ll start to see that small crack of light at the end of the tunnel as William put it so perfectly. Look at it this way: if your ex called you today and said he wanted to give the relationship another try, your mindset would change for sure but you’d still have one gigantic problem: You’d have that dread that he would leave you again and that the floor would yet again drop out from under your feet putting you back at square one.  This by the way can happen at any time…before marriage, early in a marriage, after 30 years of marriage, and with any partner, not just your ex. Think about that. Anyone you are madly in love with can decide to pull the plug on your relationship at any time, so you need to know ahead that if it happens you’ll have all the tools you need to find happiness and peace again. This puts you, not another person, back in control of your own happiness.

To get there, there are certain aspects of your own life that you need to be content with. One is your home. Make it a place you love to be in. If it needs paint on the walls, paint them a color you’ll love to see every day. Keep it organized and orderly. I don’t mean an OCD level of order, I mean keep it clean, dusted, comfortable, simple and clutter-free. If you have old clothes that you never wear hanging in your closet, get rid of them. Next is your job. If it’s unbearable start looking for a new one, one that may motivate, challenge and inspire you more than your current. Next, surround yourself with people you really love to be around. And on to what William was saying, find that creative hobby that you’ll lose yourself in, one that brings you back to the present moment. Another idea is to get outdoors regularly to experience nature the way you did when you were a kid. These are all things that can make your life so much better with and without a romantic partner. If you are content with other aspects of your life, then when a romantic relationship ends you’ll still be content with these aspects of your life. It’s when everything sucks at the same time that it’s hard to see that crack of light at the end of the tunnel.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Realizing this is step one.

B 🙂