Hi Anita,

Thanks for the kindly reply. It does make me rethink the whole thing.

I’m struggling now that he should be responsible for his behaviour and misbehaviour, but I didn’t feel it or see it. That annoys me and hurt me further. Because it seems to me that so far I am taking all the bad consequence of the breaking up as well all the responsibilities before and after the final– apparently he is doing fine and well, and I think it is not appropriate. I want him to get karma but it is not in my hands.

I know that I should forgive, to make myself feel better — but I cannot, I cannot forgive him, instead I wish him to suffer! I can feel my anger and it has no place to go! — Is it unhealthy and not nice? If so, how can I stop thinking like that?

I do not want him to get back to my life again, no. However, the time, energy, money and emotion have been invested already and none of them I could take back. The breaking up for him, is just to move to a new place, start up a new life — which he is doing right now in a positive way, whereas the breaking for me is to leave the county with sorrows and scars, with my reluctant willing to leave….It’s like being verdict to a leaving penalty by his selfish, deluded judgement, but i’m the victim? it’s not fair on me at all!

I am lonely and I am afraid of going back to my homeland to start up everything again at the age of 34, comparing to just a few days ago, I was in the hope to have a marriage, a family and a home. Now, consciously I know this man has nothing I miss or lose, and I cannot be happy with him whatsoever, but it didn’t really help reduce the pain.

Thanks for reading.

Yuhan