Hi there,

You seem to have a lot going on Victoria. I hope the right path becomes clear for you soon. Have you availed of any counselling since to help give you some insight?

I reaonate with what you say about your boyfriend caring about the little things in your life. I mean, my ex probably didn’t really care about every tiny detail in my life, but nonetheless, he listened and was at the end of the phone for anything I needed to vent about. He was always on my side, and I felt I had someone in my corner, not like family and friends who of course are always there for me, but it was nice having one person just for you. Or so I thought.

Ive had a really difficult morning. The whole night was spent dreaming of him and ya being together and him changing his mind and me being down in his home. It was horrendous when I woke up. What on earth can I do? I’m doing stuff everyday to try and get over this, but we can’t exactly control our unconscious dreams.

I am mad today too. I’m really mad that I’m suffering so much and he’s not. He can’t be, because his heart didn’t break- mine did. He never committed his heart fully therefore he never risked breaking it. I want him to know how much I’m hurt and lost. Every single piece of advice would go against meeting him to discuss it because what on earth would I expect to get out of it? More pain? I don’t know, but I feel I’m slowing breaking into a shadow of my former self and I don’t want him to be okay. I want him to at least be torn up a little by guilt, that he doesn’t get to easily sail off into the distance.

I still have respect for him, so it wouldn’t be a conversation of abuse etc, but I would like to explain how I feel and what the decision has meant for me. I don’t know, will i suffer badly if I decide to do it?