Dear  Victoria:

I am fine, thank you. Regarding plans for the  weekend, Saturday was the lighting  of Christmas lights downtown, in this  small town USA I live  in (outside  the  city limits). It was  nice to see  lots of  people walking around, some  dressed Christmassy, one  as the  Grinch, and I love Dr. Seuss characters for decades now!

I read your posts from yesterday on another  thread as well as this one. I will quote a few items and then comment:

1. “I am trying  to do ten billion things at  once but then feeling weighed down and  doing none of it”- a common happening. The only  way I  know to  solve this  problem is to do just  one thing  at a time, be  very humble about the number of  things you will accomplish today, and  if that one  thing  is  overwhelming, break it  down and do just part  of that one  thing to day. Be gentle with yourself and patient.

Choose a time  of the  day when you are least  tired, least anxious, maybe first  thing in the morning, and do a difficult task at that  time, then give yourself a treat  for having  accomplished that one  thing, encouraging yourself during  the doing of the task by thinking about that treat, which may be anything from a hot bath to watching  a movie.

2. “I am behind my peers and  I  feel like  I am playing  catch-up”- in some ways you are  behind some  of your peers but you are at the same place and even ahead of  many other peers and people much  older than you. You are definitely way ahead in these things than all the dead people in the  world. So see the bigger  picture. In the  bigger picture you are doing well.

3. “I am currently supposed  to be  applying  to placements..”, reads like the right thing for you to do, to focus on what  you  will be doing after graduating, start exiting the “bubble of education”. It is very important that  you don’t miss  more  lectures and that you focus on graduating and preparing  for employment. Think of all the  time  and energy you have placed  into relationships, family and the  now ex boyfriend- what  a poor return on investment, isn’t it?

Better invest in graduating  and  preparing for employment where  the  return on your investment will be great, compared to None in relationships. Try to  be  singularly focused on these two things.

4. “I   have  ended  things again, and for good because  I am not messing him around anymore.. I have  also been worrying about him, is he  okay? have I caused  him to spiral out of control?!… I feel like I have ruined someone’s life. Is that  too dramatic?”- yes, reads dramatic to me and  incorrect. He has  known about your anxiety for a long, long  time. It can’t be a big surprise for him, it has  to  be something he considered may happen (and  it already happened  before). He is significantly older than you, has many female friends, if I remember correctly, I think he  will be  fine. Just  leave him alone, let  him be, close the door on this chapter  in your life. Focus on your well being, not his; focus on graduating  and  becoming employed.

Every time  you think about him, think the  following: this issue is closed. There  is  nothing  for me to do. Because there is nothing  for me to  do, there is no reason to think about him/ it.

5. “My mother  is still giving  me the silent  treatment”- appreciate that  silence.  Make it  last.

And last point for  now: the anxiety and lonely  feeling you mentioned, these unfortunately are not going  anywhere. You survived a lot of  it so  far and  so have  I. Accept  these things as  the reality of  your life for  now and  for the  foreseeable future. It  will take a long  time to feel  better  on an ongoing basis. When you feel badly, think of why you are  doing what you are doing, what you value most, that is.

What is it  that you value most at this point, what motivates  you at times the  most?

anita