We talked for 40 minutes, she had to leave to pick up her daughter that moved out and check up on a cat. It was a facebook thing so that’s why I didn’t get an invite, I deleted mine but she will invite me to her next one. Talked about her trip, her concert, the invited thing part, my xmas party, she said I sound like I was the life of the party and said “ew” when I told her the next day I was sleeping on the floor in the bathroom in my own puke haha and that I should limit my beers to 4 because that’s when I felt the booze kicking in, about the loan and the guy she will do free massages for in return I check him out and it will help pay for the debt, meeting up next month for another coffee or earlier if she has free time. Told her if she ever wants to talk to me just text me and get me to call or something, like if she’s having an awful day or has great news to share or something like that, she kinda went a lower voice appreciating that saying thanks, that she doesn’t really have anyone who does this for her, she mostly just phones her mom and said I am such a great guy and I say I try to be, then wished her a great night and we hung up. It was kinda awkward for me when her voice went lower like that, like she digs me for saying that or something. She told me anytime I am thinking about her to call and we can talk, lol I think about her all the time, so that wont go over well at all…When she called I was like “Well hello there” in a lower sexy voice, she said it sounded romantic lol. I do that at work too. It still sucks she only sees me as a friend, but oh well plenty of other fish in the sea but no matter what I say here I just can’t let her go, I’ve got such an unhealthy attatchment and I know I SHOULD go for my own sanity, but ugh. I’m surprised not many people talk to her, seems everyone loves her but nobody talks to her outside of facebook, just me and her mom.

I hate how I am on the phone or in person talking to her…always feel awkward and say what I mean slower bumbling my words. At work it’s SO NATURAL! and I can talk loud and clear and fine, when I am drunk I can be the life of the party so to speak, but on the phone with her or in person? nope. I know I have strong feelings for her probably due to my lonliness, but damn.