Hi Shelby,

I wish you weren’t having such a tough evening. Yes, the urge to make contact will go away with time.

You wrote that your therapist says if the only purpose (for contacting your ex) is to see if things have changed, when clearly they haven’t, then I’m going to experience another dip. I agree with your therapist, but you have other purposes for contacting your ex, right? You stated in an earlier post that I want him to know how much I’m hurt and lost. I don’t want him to be okay. I want him to at least be torn up a little by guilt, that he doesn’t get to easily sail off into the distance. Shelby, contacting him for these reasons will ultimately make things worse for you.

I may have missed some things throughout this thread but my recollection is that your ex is a good guy and that the reason you two broke up was because he wasn’t able to give you all you needed. If you need to say some things to him for closure, I can understand that. But don’t say things to him with the goal of making him feel bad.

You are making progress while maintaining your dignity. I can see it, Shelby! I can see your progress. Remember, progress is not linear so you’re going to have bad days. When you do, get back on track. Keep moving forward.

B