Dear noname:

I remembered this  very early morning that in my late twenties I watched  an ad on TV for four sets of audio cassettes (don’t exist  anymore, that technology), those (over $300) audios included lots of positive affirmations, many regarding self worth and the listener was  to repeat those, including the emotion in the statements. There was calming music there and lots of repetition and it worked for me, I started jogging  daily, got a better than ever paying job, felt optimistic .. until my mother was back into my life. But before she was back, the  tapes worked well for me, a few months of way better! What if this works for you temporarily as  well, a few months  of  way-better will carry you through graduating!

Something else I didn’t notice before, you wrote on this page: “I go through these cycles it seems of feeling extroverted and confident wanting to invite everyone I meet to my house to hangout or for a meal. Then like clockwork I get depressed and cut myself off and won’t leave my house…I go through these chronically depressive episodes and then will recover for about a week and restart my  downward spiral again, and I’m sick of it”- it is  the bipolar factor, and I don’t mean the diagnosis but the principle of it: a person’s brain gets tired being  depressed so it switches to happy, going something  like 120 degrees the other way or 150 degrees, sometimes, some people do 180. It is  a  lack of  moderation, a switching  from one  end of the spectrum to the opposite. Any time you switch to sort-of-happy you guarantee going back to the other end of the spectrum, depressed.

Moderation is the only solution to that dynamic.

When you find yourself in the  confident zone, be alarmed, and look for Moderation, the middle of the spectrum. You may very well be trapped in this dynamic.

What do you think?

anita