Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

What you wrote about keeping notes as paper/online makes  sense to me. Regarding  your imagery regarding reducing notes/ thoughts clutter, you were always good at visual imageries, excellent, there are so many beautiful ones throughout your thread.

It is called a chest binder, not a brace, I see. You wrote that wearing it makes you feel like you are “just hiding my chest… hiding something I hate… like I’m not masculine enough because  while the world may see the flat chest, I know I’m wearing a chest binder to make it flat… I’m wondering if  my chest binder hides my  chest well enough”. You wrote that you feel comfortable when people don’t question your gender identity and uncomfortable when they do, when they “wonder about my gender identity”, and when people look at  you oddly and/ or suggest to you how you can make yourself look more masculine because  it  communicates to you that “the way I am presenting isn’t masculine enough for them”.  You want  people to think of you as a guy but you don’t want them to ask you if you are a guy, because  if  you tell them that you are a guy, you feel that you “didn’t tell them the  truth”.

You are thinking of telling people who ask you about your gender, or if “they misgender me”, the following: “Sorry, I’m working on finding  myself and who I used  to  be is not who I am now. Gender isn’t a binary thing, it’s a spectrum”.

And  now my input on the matter, at this point: first, I will explain to you my interest when discussing this topic with you: I am not motivated in you being  this  or that, but in you being emotionally well, feeling content and functioning well in life. In other words, it is your well being that interests me.

I am not politically aware or involved with the gender dysphoric community, haven’t read  literature and such. What I go by when processing this topic is the basics, the  fundamentals, just as  I do when processing any topic.

What jumped out of the screen as not true in my mind is this: “Gender  isn’t a binary thing, it’s a spectrum”. There are many unicellular organisms and  lower multi cellular organisms that are neither male nor female. There are  many plants  and  some animals that are both, male and  female. But humans are one  species where  each individual is either male or female. If a baby is  born with eggs, it is female. If it is not born with eggs or the precursor of eggs (that failed to develop perhaps), then it  is male. The ovaries and  uterus are female, the testicles are male. So I see it  as  binary, not a spectrum.

Feelings and behaviors relating to masculinity and femininity are not  binary, but on a spectrum.  Gender in humans is  binary.

So let’s look more into reality, and I hope you are  okay with engaging with me in this matter. If you are distressed reading on, please don’t or stop at any point, then let me know if you are distressed and  I will not communicate with you on  matters that distress you. Keep reading if you are comfortable  enough.

A bit about me:  I didn’t  like being a female either, still not crazy about it! I used to wish I was like one of those dolls I had, the non gender specific, neither male nor female. And   so, I am not a stranger to some sort of gender dysphoria.

As I see it, neither I nor you, nor any person in the whole wide world can change the biological fact of being male  or female. This binary fact is  determined at conception.

Regarding eliminating  primary and  secondary sexual features in series of surgeries and  hormonal injections and such (I am not familiar with the specifics of the  modern medical aspects), reads to me like putting  the body through a lot of  physical trauma, removing ovaries and uterus for  one, so better think it through and do  the research: see if females who did  transition, if they are no longer anxious  or depressed, if they no longer worry about how they appear to others, if their  mental health has significantly improved  over time, a few years after, at the  least.  I wouldn’t accept testimonies of the  commercial variety or politically motivated, I would really need  to  know if over the period of a few years at least, if the mental health of those  transitioned has  significantly improved.

Considering transitioning, I would see a few  specialty doctors, and ask for a visual representation of  how you will look like after transitioning, and then show that image to  different  people, see if the  image  looks manly enough to you and to others. If it doesn’t… why bother with all that  physical trauma?

As to what to tell people who ask you about your gender, how about the truth which is, is it  not, the  following: I am biologically female but I sure  like to  look like and feel like a male, so I look like a male best I can, I act like a  male best I  can and  I  want  to be referred to as a male. Is it  okay with you to call me Janus and refer to me with the pronoun he, not  she? And think of me best you can as a male?

When answering those who question you,  I wouldn’t apologize (“sorry..”) for  “working on finding yourself”, because  isn’t everyone working on finding themselves, or should be… and I wouldn’t add: “who I  used to be is not  who  I am now” is too complicate.

What do you think?

anita