Dear TRW:

He says: “Sweetheart, you  saved my life. I have  never loved  anyone as much as I love you. Without you I am a mess”- better treat that person very well, always.

How often do people professing to intensely love another, often their own children, then turn around and against the objects of their love.. way too often. When this  happens in an intimate relationship, be it parent/child, boyfriend/girlfriend, what happens is that the  aggressor is  using his  victim as a place for dumping his anger, then experiencing relief for having  done so, and then the  anger builds up again and the aggressor needs another relief, and so the pattern goes.

What to do when you love the aggressor, wanting to help the aggressor so that he is no longer in pain?

Take away his temporary relief, maybe he will find a more permanent way to relieve himself, such as quality psychotherapy, or a very involved participation in AA. Maybe he will take on religion,  I don’t  know. But he may try another solution than the  temporary unloading of his anger on another person.

anita