Well, Sophie, your ex boyfriend was your first serious relationship at the tender age of 16 so by the rights of ‘firsts’, he would be considered to special to you. And then you spent 6 years together as girlfriend and boyfriend, getting to know each other’s way of life, learning each other’s like and dislikes, giving each other time, attention and energy. You made space in your life and your universe for a person whom you deem to be dear to your heart. Is it any wonder that you would be heart broken to have that person leave after 6 years of memories together, the good and the bad?

But you have to understand that while you have a space for him in your heart, he is still his own person and you are your own individual. You both have a life to live on your terms, and no one else. Your ex probably realized that and so went looking for his terms. Though he cared about you, he wanted to search for himself in a way that is his, and not what other might tell him. If you went with him, he would have to be mindful of you and your wants. But that’s not worthwhile when searching for something so personal, it’s would actually hinder him instead.

Though it’s not that you can’t include each other in your own separate life, but not at the expense that one person would be giving up their life, their dreams, their goals, to cater to the other person. When you give up your dreams for another person, you are giving that person the agency to dictate which way your life will flow, and you would eventually grow dependent on him for directions or grow resentful because you had to give up your life to follow him. Neither scenario is good for you in the long run and it seems that your ex boyfriend wouldn’t want that either.

Now that you’ve broken up, let yourself mourned the 6 years together of good and bad. Let yourself have the space to grieve until you feel you can move forward, but do not wait for him. Waiting is useless in the sense that you can’t foretell the future so you don’t know if he really will come back, if ever. Remember, he doesn’t know and you don’t know, so waiting is fruitless when you yourself have an open future before you that you’ve yet to explore. So look to yourself, look at what you are and what you can be.

What do you want to do? What is it you hope to accomplish? Who are you? Don’t wait for another person to tell you, find yourself. You only have the now, that’s why it’s called the present. So present yourself with a lot of hugs and compassion.

Good luck.