Hi Valora, thank you for your words. I know I’ve been selfish, and I’ve been only paying attention to my needs. However,  all these uncertainties are driving me crazy as i don’t know when we can get married together given my age. The possibility of giving birth at the age of 35/36 scares me. I know plenty of women gave birth to wonderful and wholesome kids at late 30s, but it is still pretty risky with all the possible complications. Having said that, I love him. It is just so complicated…