Dear SbInvincible:

I think that taking a step back is a very good idea.

You wrote: “I can see that this  job is pulling her away from her family, friends, and  her  health”- you didn’t mention that  her health is failing, that she got sick or is  suffering from symptoms of distress except that she  feels suffocated because you demand her  time (“I have started becoming  demanding for her time which suffocates her… I am demanding of more time and she feels suffocated“), and that she becomes aggressive and defensive when you express your disapproval of her (“if I point makes her aggressive and defensive. She pulls her self away from me, if I pin point where she  is  going  wrong”)-

so you see, it is you who is distressing her, you are the one not good for her health, don’t you think?

It reads to  me that  you have been trying to take  control of  her life, to  keep  her simple, whatever simple means to you (“I don’t see that simplicity anymore that I loved about her”), that  you are angry that another man, her boss, is now taking control  of her instead of you, that she  is now following his suggestions and not yours (“her boss very clearly is a negative influence who seems  to  be manipulating her… She even takes smallest of  suggestions and advise at work .. from this boss”).

You didn’t mention unethical manipulation on the part of her boss.

In summary, I would say that because you no longer approve  of her, better take that step back you suggested you should take. Let her live her life, be free to live her  life. Be available to choose a woman you approve of instead of trying to make this woman submissive to your demands. I understand  this  is very difficult for you, that you are attached to   her and invested  a lot of your time and attention and energy in her and in a relationship with her. I hope you learn best  you can from this experience and make  life better for yourself.

anita