Hi Foxtree

It’s interesting that people think there has to be a root cause for depression. Sadness and depression are two different things – in fact, depression can be defined as feeling down and sad with no particular reason No-one would ask “What is the root cause of your appendicitis?”. They would just treat it, and depression is no different.

In your case you have had some deeply unpleasant things to deal with. You have suffered at the hands of someone you once trusted, so it’s not surprising that you try to distance yourself  from people to prevent it happening again. It’s entirely natural that you feel the way you do. So forgive yourself for that. But, as you have discovered, it’s not a great long term strategy, so give yourself the time and the chance to sort it out.

You have taken the first step by seeking advice and help, and clearly understand that your life is your responsibility. But remember that taking responsibility is not the same thing as accepting the blame You are not to blame for everything that has happened to you, but you are responsible for what you do about it.

This was something that it took me a long time to understand. Like you, I was the sort of person who didn’t shirk responsibility. So for a long time I believed that everything that happened to me, no matter how awful, was somehow my fault. But that meant that I was also blaming myself for the outrageous behaviour of others. It’s one thing to acknowledge where you could have done things differently to secure a better outcome. It’s quite another to simply accept that it is your lot in life to be treated abominably.

I can also identify with the seat belt thing – I went through a stage of doing something similar. I think I was almost daring this bully called life, which had kept punching me repeatedly, to do its worst. Not the most sensible solution, but I suppose I felt I was fighting back. But soon I realised that there were better alternatives.

So many people in situations like yours never even dare to face up to it. They deny it with drink or drugs, or stay in abusive relationships. You are coming out fighting, and recruiting support to help you. That is how you will build a network of friends,maybe online at a distance at first, but you will win your battle, simply because you understand what you need to do. This site has a great many people who understand exactly how you feel, people who have been there and got through it. And before long, you will be on the other side of it, explaining to others how you did it.

One day at a time, you will get there, and your next birthday will be so much better.

Stay strong