Yeah, I don’t really mean that it means you’re afraid to commit to her specifically, just that you might have an underlying fear of commitment to anyone in general, no matter who it is, just because of what commitment means. It’s scary to some for many different reasons. That may not be the case for you though, but definitely something to look into. No matter who you commit yourself to, your feelings are going to change, back and forth, you’re going to feel different types of love for them at different times and sometimes even no love at all. So even when you can’t “feel” your love for her, that doesn’t mean it’s not there, it just means it’s dormant at the moment and that really is okay and totally normal.

Fear of being bored in a relationship actually is a commitment issue… you might be feeling afraid to commit to one person because you’re afraid that you getting bored means she isn’t “the one,” but it might help to know that it is hard to keep the excitement in any long-term relationship and that boredom generally IS a phase. The length of time it lasts depends on the couple, but it just takes effort to get out of it (by taking her out and doing new things together to keep things exciting), but if you’re feeling unmotivated to put in that effort, that might be what some of the issue is, too. You can expect periods of boredom, monotony, ordinariness to come and go throughout the duration of any long-term relationship though, I think. Whether you’re with her or anyone else. So maybe if you just accept that those periods will be there sometimes and that it’s okay and that it won’t last forever, especially if you both go do new things together, then maybe that’ll ease your fears some.

Aside from the relationship, based on what you’ve said, I think you’re just feeling a lack of excitement in your life in general and maybe it’d help to find a new hobby that excites you. For example, one of my friends who is in the Army took up go-kart racing and looooves it (a lot of local men and women do this, build their own machines, and race them in competitions). There are lots of different things you can do, though, you just have to find the one that will really love. If you can find your excitement in a hobby outside of the relationship, you might not be looking for it so much in the relationship or for her to provide the excitement and that’d probably take some of the pressure off. She might even like to do that hobby WITH you, and that’d be a fun and exciting thing for you to do together that would bring you even closer (but don’t EXPECT her to want to do it, of course. Find something YOU will love to do and if she decides she wants to do it too, that’d just be a bonus).

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Valora.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Valora.