Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

Two more days before the one month winter break! I hope you do take it easy and yet be productive during  this coming  month.

You explain things so well, always have, detailed and clear, you do have this gift. And what an amazing explanation, regarding the colobus monkeys, the male’s anus swells before puberty so to be mistaken for a female and not be expelled from the group, amazing! And female lions being born with more testosterone than males (I did  wonder about that, females hunting while the males seemed relaxed in those nature movies!), and even grow manes to appear more fierce to other animals that may pose a threat to their young. Amazing.

So there are examples then, in nature, of males taking  on female features, appearing female and  females taking on male features, appearing  male. There is also this fact that female lions have more testosterone than males.

Regarding Gender Identity and Gender Dysphoria, I figured since my  last  post to you that the two are not the same, that a male having the gender identity of female (being transgender) is not necessarily dysphoric and same regarding a  female having the gender identity of male.

“It is correct that you do not need gender dysphoria to  be transgender”, you wrote. The distress of transgenders who are  not dysphoric is a result of societal prejudice, questioning, ridicule and such. The distress of transgenders who are also dysphoric is both, that which  I just mentioned, plus being uncomfortable in one own body, that ongoing discomfort. Most transgenders experience dysphoria, you wrote, but not all. But even  those  who don’t, if I understand correctly, experience some distress, not so much as to qualify as gender dysphoria, but some that is labeled “gender dissonance”.

I also understood and more so, following reading your recent  post, that gender identity and dysphoria in humans is a result  of combination of emotions and cognition, of thoughts. The  monkeys and female lions in the amazing examples do not think about gender, they just react, evolution reacts for them.

I didn’t know there is such a thing as a “gender therapist” and it reads good to me that many gender therapists ask that a person lives a year as their preferred gender before considering medical procedures. I understand about modern chest binders vs sport bras. And I did read about “two spirits” in Wikipedia but didn’t understand  it  until you explained it to me.

You shared that with each passing day, you are “becoming more masculine”, and you don’t feel like a female anymore, like there is a void there where there used to be female and you are filling that void with the gender you identify with. As I read your words I feel respect for your gender being indeed male. You really are, definitely invested in male as being your gender. As I type at this moment, I think of you as male because, really, it is so very clear to  me, I have a better understanding  of you and of the issue than I  ever did before. And it just occurred to me how much better life  would  be for transgenders if more and more  people would understand. And  it occurred to me that because you explain things   so well, you will be perfect in promoting  this education, speaking in gatherings, teaching!

Now  I know  why you chose the  name Janus, having been born in January, and Janus being the Roman  god of new beginnings and transitions. Oh, transitioning, I see. Social transitioning is your current process. “My feelings range from pain to  numbness/ detachment to happiness these days… I am no longer running and trying to hide the pain like I used  to… Strength is moving through the pain and not letting  it control you.. to start over again.. being a better person daily… strength is not trying to act as if I can hold  it together or covering  up the pain by showing the physical muscles.. Strength is realizing that you are not perfect and being okay with that and accepting that… not breaking your body down by working out to the extreme so you can look muscular. Strength is about taking little steps to improve your life and being okay that you may not  make  everyone happy… I tried so hard to be  strong in the ways of society that I became anorexic trying to make myself appear masculine, but I am healing and have realized that true strength and  courage lie within the heart and not in the values of other people”- this is amazing (yet again, I am amazed!) How well you express yourself and how accurately you understand strength. I didn’t intend to  quote so much in this paragraph but as I read what you wrote, I felt that it had to be repeated.

My goodness, I am so privileged to get to know you better, to understand you more and because of you, to understand gender identity and dysphoria so much more than what I understood… and misunderstood before.

anita