I’m almost 50, and have had two major long term relationships.  With both of them I forced things, and allowed myself to be forced.  I tried to change the other person, the other person tried to change me.  I went too fast, and then spent most of the relationship wondering if I should stay, which totals about 20 years of my one precious life. And that’s okay, we were all doing the best we could with what we knew and understood back then.

But I will never do that again. When you know better, you do better!

If you find yourself wanting things to be different, wanting to convince, to coerce, not feeling secure, wondering if he loves you or wants what you want, then you need to slow down, really communicate your needs, and really listen to what the response is, without trying to twist it to mean what you want it to mean.

Let people be who they are. If they are not what you want, do the hard work of mending from dashed hopes and expectations, and move on.

What do you want? Do you want to get married and have kids? Then you have to find someone else who wants that too. If he is older, he might not want that. Don’t try to force him to want it. Accept that he does or does not and make your decision from there. Don’t try to read into it to find what you want to see. Take what he says at face value, don’t play games.

Let him be who he is, and honor your own needs.  Let go with love. If he wants a future with you, he will hold on.