Dear Wanderer:

You are 32. You “enjoy the chase of pursuing a new partner”, but as soon as you sense that a woman is into you, you feel “an overwhelming sensation to  stop all contact”. Many of the women you met were “very worthy of being long term partners”. You tried to proceed with relationships in spite of that sensation but felt  more and  more depressed. The trying to remain in a relationship with a woman who is into you “eats into (you)”.

You wrote that you want to “quit playing these  silly games”, to no longer “being selfish” and having these “ugly traits”. You tried in the past to avoid women so to focus on yourself but what happened was you got bored and pursued women again, repeating “this cycle”.

You are worried about the following: “I am incapable of love since my mother passed”- do you mean that you were so hurt by the sudden loss of your mother when you were 19, that you are afraid to become emotionally attached to a woman and then lose her too?

I don’t  think these  are “silly games” and that you are “playing these silly games”. I think that you need a relationship and you are scared of it at the same  time, conflicted. In addition, you enjoy the superficial parts of dating, and the sex, I suppose, so you are attracted to that part.

You asked for “practical methods to help fix this major problem”- I can’t think of any possible method without looking into what it is that scares you.

I hope to read more from you and continue to communicate with you.

anita