Dear Agnes1205:

I had a similar plan myself, get a fancy room in a fancy hotel, eat  in the  best restaurants, have  fun until I run out of money and then … well, same final act you mentioned.

But as I dreamed that, part of me didn’t want to die. Just like happened with you, part of you that wants to live focused on this woman as your hope, as your reason to live.

Eventually, I figured I am going to die anyway, we all will, and I didn’t  have a reason to rush it.

All your pain and despair will eventually end, that is good news, isn’t it? Don’t rush it, the pain will end eventually. But what if  the pain can end sooner than later by  living better, wiser? What if you found a reason, or a purpose other than this woman.

What is it that you valued so much about this woman, what is it that attracted you to her (never met her in person, correct?)?

anita