Dear Chelsea:

You were “always so guarded”, from the  beginning of the communication with him, afraid to be hurt. “he was the first person I was ever able to have intimate conversations/ share my  feelings and opinions with. For me, it  was the closest thing I ever had to  a real relationship”.

You felt strongly about him, but it was not a gf/bf relationship. You felt  it was close to such, but it wasn’t.

At one time he talked to another girl. In doing so he  did not  betray you because he wasn’t your bf, and he didn’t tell you that he will not be  talking to other girls.

You felt  hurt but  it doesn’t mean that he hurt you.

When you found out  that he talked to another girl, you said some very hurtful things to him (“Things ended really badly.. with me saying some hurtful things”), and as a result, “He promptly blocked me on social media”.

It is very important that in the future, you define a relationship as soon as possible and therefore you and the guy know what the  rules are. What happened with this guy is that there was  no definition, no rules and lots  of unchecked assumptions and expectations on your part, and it is those unchecked assumptions and expectations  that led to your heartbreak.

I wish he was sensitive and realized how attached  you are to  him. He should have ended the  communication with you gently if he knew you wanted so much more from the interactions with him than he wanted. But it is your  job to protect your heart by having a clear conversation with a man early on. And then have that conversation again as the communication continues and things may develop and change. Check your assumptions with him, listen to  his expectations, to what he wants, then see if there  is a fit, if the two of you are on the same page or not.

The hatred you have for him, is not all about him, it is about the people that hurt you before, the reason you were so guarded with him to start. And again, this is not a black and white  situation where  he  was bad and you were his victim.

I suggest these  things because I believe that learning from our life experiences is very important for  the  purpose of making our lives better, and so I do wish you a better year ahead!

anita