Dear Harminder:

You wrote that your father blames his parents “for holding him back:” and he feels “like  marrying my mum and having  kids sabotaged his career progression”. The first is likely to  be true as parents often do hold their children back, and  if that happens in his case, then his parents are responsible for that.

Regarding his choice to marry your mother and to have children, legally at least,  he is fully  responsible for that. Practically, there may  be a lot  of his parents’ input in his decision, causing  him to choose something  he  wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

One thing is certain regarding these  two   things: you are not responsible for these things. There has been no wrong doing or wrong being on your part to lead to his parents holding him back, and no wrong doing or wrong  being on your part  leading to your father marriage and sex with  your mother.

Earlier you wrote: “The  more I was criticized before by family members, the more I started  to critique myself”- thing is you were wrongly criticized by your family (above two things to start with), some and even most of your criticism of yourself, may as well be about things you are also not responsible  for, or  for things that are  not  wrong doings or wrong-being on your part.

anita