The pact sounds a fantastic idea – and I love that you’ll both be back here one day passing on your own experiences to try to help others too, won’t that be great when you get there.  Your therapist sounds great btw, glad you have someone like that to talk to.

Honestly – the decision to choose to go forwards is the hardest step – everything else from there is hard but you are no longer in the constant whirl of what-if. Kkasxo, sounds like you started down the road and felt this but have looped back round for one more try. I think I was lucky (?!) in that my contact with my ex made it very clear to me very quickly that there was only one way forwards for me – and it was without him. I choose no further contact from that point simply because it was too painful for me and that was the only way I could deal with it once I’d come to that conclusion, however much I hated it.  As you’ve both mentioned, you do have to get to the point you literally can’t go any lower – as then the only way is to choose to crawl back up!  I don’t think it matters that you don’t know what’s next, I didn’t for sure. Realise it’s much scarier than the comforting but painful path of being in a relationship and way forwards that you know. Usually it’s easier to know what you do not want than what you do – so if you don’t want to be unhappy, confused, angry….stop choosing things that make you feel that way….

Entertainingly, a lot of my friends/family were very keen on the helpfully finding other men for me too, I think they just want to see you stop hurting so much and don’t always understand it’s like a death, not a ‘simple’ break-up.  I actually remember bursting into tears the first time I eventually got round to just kissing someone else – the poor guy was most surprised 😉  See – it makes me laugh now and that’s something I never thought would happen!

Hang in there, look forwards to hearing you guys get through this.