Thanks for the replies, guys. A lot of stuff to chew on.

GL

2. What I do not understand and am against is this very popular act of just sleeping with whomever you want with no “strings attached” and no accountability whatsoever. Sex, as much as we try to argue against it, is emotional to an extent. To wanna engage with as many people as you possibly can without having any emotional bond  or responsibility whatsoever  implied is infantile thinking. It’s not possible in a long-term basis.  People, at the end of they day, can do whatever they want (as long as there is consent) but at any rate, it’s something that I personally don’t want to engage in.

1. I’ll admit, I believed that the guy could change his mind, that he can change his mind. That he was just scared of trying something new. Part of me still resonates with that…but in the end, it’s his choice, no? I can’t change someone. It’s that belief that a lot of women have that we can “change” someone, no? Is that not rampant? How much of that is actually true? I do see your point of him having rejected me from the get go and that should have been a sign to let go. There was nothing wrong with me wanting what I wanted, but I really wonder why I have been pulling this for as long as I have, when I know what I want. Which brings me to point number 3.

3. I really want to delve into this point. Could it be that something about them being unavailable attract me? What could that say about me? I talked to another friend about this and he told me that “shame” might be a factor when it comes to my relationships, namely, shame of the choices that I make and the people I choose to date. Because, while I was with him, I was mostly happy, stable, enjoyed being with him…but when he was apart, when we were in public, or when the thought of me introducing him to other people, those kinds of thoughts would come up. What do you guys think?

4. Can you elaborate on what you said about emotional support? Look, my parents don’t come to everything I do, but I know that they still love me and support me 100% in what I do, and are excited when I am excited about things. Is that what you mean? Still, this guy did not ask me once about tickets or when the shows would be…only when I brought it up. I don’t honestly know if he listened to me more than I am sure that I actually listened to him. If only we hadn’t gone to bed straight away and we had just talked more!

5. That part was just a typo on my part. I meant a learning opportunity for me. 😉 And, yes, I have seen what I can do to the extent that I have for the fear of losing someone.

6. Can you elaborate on this too?

So what is it that he was filling inside of you that you want him back? Better yet, what is it that he represent that makes him so tempting that you willingly ignore your own intuition to pursue him? What kind of story are you telling yourself about your relationship and him that makes you want to go back? There’s a lot of question you need to ask yourself.

Those are the questions that I am introspecting about these days. I’ll be posting my conclusions soon. 😉