K sweetie. Here’s the thing. You have been through absolute hell. I’m amazed you are still upright, but you are! Firstly give yourself a massive pat on the back for dealing with a lifetime of shit so far.

You are in survival mode. This helps you survive but does not bring happiness.

You have great insight into what has brought you here and you have the strength to change things. Start small and it will build, I promise you. Find ways to comfort yourself. I have baths twice a day, go to bed with a hot water bottle, cry, listen to music, draw pictures, sit in the quiet and think. Eat nice things, cheese on toast, cups of tea. As you go along you will find your own comforts. You may find comfort allows you to feel sadder at first but stick with it, you’ll get through that.

Then start to figure out what you can do to help yourself. Set one goal or challenge a day.  Stick to practical stuff go from there. You will have good days and bad days but keep with it. Churchill famously said, success comes from moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

Sending love and hugs xx