Dear anita,

after thinking more about my interactions with him, it seems more clear that he wasn’t interested in anything serious. I already sensed the signs before, but somehow thought my instincts were wrong, when he said that he had been sick or busy and didn’t call me for those reasons. Maybe it is what I wanted to believe. But now I think that he wanted casual sex, but he also wanted to appear like a good person. During that phone call he acted like I was unreasonable for asking more of his time. He acted like he was too busy and because I don’t have a smartphone it is basically impossible for us to communicate more (it’s not such a big problem for my other friends to stay in contact with me!). It just sounds like excuses to save face to me… Maybe he doesn’t even want to admit it to himself…

You are right, I need to change my ways of thinking. At least I can see a little bit clearer what my problems are now, clearer than some months ago. To realize, that my problems are so big is not easy to face. I know there is a lot of work to do and that it will take a long time to heal.

Next Friday is my next appointment with my therapist. I think I will ask her about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but she is specialized in Depth Psychotherapy (I’m not sure if this is the right translation into English). She also said she wants to use techniques of Behavioral Therapy.

After our last session, I’m kind of nervous about the next one. She only made one new appointment for a new session and said that she “can’t feel me”. She also asked me how therapy made me feel and such things. I’m wondering if she is worried about not being able to help me. If she wants to end therapy? If she really feels incapable of helping, of course it would be better to end it. But I don’t think my insurance would pay for another therapy then. Maybe I’m reading too much into this again? Well, I will see on Friday.

Today I was feeling a little bit better than the two days before. At least I cleaned up a little bit and later I will meet my friend to exercise together.

How is your leg doing? Is it better than yesterday?