Panic attacks are the worst. Especially in a public setting. I once had one at a gig, after our first break up and the openness of where you are increases the anxiety of the attack because you’re  conscious of it. My therapist says to say, calmly, ok Shelby, you’re panicking, it’s fine, I’m completwly safe. Nothing can harm me. It will pass in a few mins. I dunno if that will help but worth a try.

You’re going through a lot, no wonder panic attacks come on. I always felt though, that I got panic attacks when I would be unknowingly suppressing and emotion. I felt the hurt would be too much and next thing it was like it would just bubble out of me, overflowing in a way, in the form of a panic attack.

Im going to go each day that I can cope without contacting him, without contacting him. I will deal with the day I do want to contact him if and when it arises. That’s all I can do for now. Not very forward thinking or progressive in a way for me to seek true happiness but sometimes maintaining the status quo is an achievement.

You are alive, Kkasxo, whatever you’ve been through has not killed you yet? I’d call that natural survival instinct. You’re surviving- maybe not fantastically, but who is really fantastic every day in this life?!!! No-one, despite what Instagram might try to portray!

That procedure sounds like magic! I just can’t imagine how it works without surgery! I would absolutely love to know how you get on. I feel like going off and researching it now myself!!!