Well, you know yourself best for sure and I understand what you mean. People often think I’m this amazing confident women because of the stuff I take on but they have no idea how hard fought it has been to get here and often still is to leap. They usually say something like ‘oh but you make it look so easy!!! ‘.

It’s interesting though – like Kkasxo said a while back, if you read back to both your early posts, the difference is huge, obvious.  But I get that admitting you have improved is tantamount to saying you have moved on, just a little. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that triggers an immediate need to leap backwards as your brain tries desperately to persuade you to revert to it’s old comfort zone and forget about why it wasn’t good for you.   Knowing something and feeling it is as different as just wanting something or actually needing it. Yeah, I get what you mean all too well. I went through a serious health scare recently and ‘knowing’ that the odds were stacked in my favour, way too young, no family history etc etc did very little to help me ‘feel’ that I was going to be ok, to stop the panic and dark thought circles that I’d get into if I stayed unoccupied for too long. All is good now thankfully and bizarrely I’m now grateful for even that experience as it retaught me to appreciate my health and making the most of life etc.

Time away in the sun is good for anybody this time of year – yeah, you won’t escape your brain but it’s often amazing how being somewhere warm & sunny with something chilled in your hand helps it all feel better! I felt really really strange the first time I went away without my ex with a friend but I still had a good time.

Wanting to contact him again is different to needing to.  If you think you are in a different enough place yourself to get a different outcome and you want to, then go for it – it’s your choice after all! Honestly, the contact with my ex was the reality slap in the face I needed to move on. But everybody’s path is different and if you want to try one more time, ofcourse you can. I would say try to look deep and make sure the desire is driven by positive thoughts ( I’ve changed, I’m stronger, he’s willing to do what it takes etc ) and not negative/fear thoughts ( I’ll never meet anybody else like him, my life will never be happy again etc ). Make any sense??!

Kkasxo – hope you’re still ok this morning, I’ll leave you guys in peace now..