Dear Alexa:

You are welcome and no worries about taking your time to  post again. You determine when and if you post, no time limits here.

People say these things, “You can’t do that (end contact with a parent). He’s your father. Be upset, but you can’t just cut him out from your life. Try to make things right”-

People say those things because this is what they do in their personal lives and this is why millions of people are anxious and depressed on an ongoing basis, living dysfunctional lives.

We are told to respect our parents  in the bible, and we hear other people say it, especially abusive parents. So we obey and suffer for it.

It is okay for you to cut all contact with your father. It is okay legally and ethically. I did it myself, eventually. I ended all contact with my mother. I suffered guilt, it was difficult, but necessary for my well-being. I just wished I did it earlier, much earlier.

I first dreamed of doing it when I was a teenager, then sent her a letter declaring (oh so gently and apologetically) temporary no-contact when I was 30. The letter was ignored. Twenty years later I finally did it. If I did it earlier I would have wasted less life and I wouldn’t have had my life quality deteriorate in decades of dysfunction that was born  out of this most sick and sickening relationship I had with her.

I hope you don’t wait for as long as I did. The time  to cut your father out  of your life was long ago. Next best timing is ASAP.

If cutting contact with your grandmother is necessary for the purpose of cutting contact with your father, do so. Save yourself, save what is left of your life, is my advice. Do what needs to be done for that purpose.

anita