When we had a longer conversation about why he did it when we got into the same college- he said along the lines of wanting to gain popularity and honour amongst the boys as he always felt like the odd one out but did so not in the right way. He was involved with typical ‘douchebag’ friends and would imitate whatever they did to feel accepted (one quality which included being disloyal), it was immature and I think final semester stress combined with little bickerings with me frustrated him. I was being clingy because I was scared of losing him (in a relationship prior to this, my older ex fell in love with a different woman during our relationship, we still remain friends but it was hard). I was scared of this repeating so tried to keep him close when in fact I should have dealt with my insecurities which I have tackled now (which is good haha). In our friendship circle, a mutual friend of ours (she was like my sister, we grew up together during childhood) she just came out of a terrible breakup and they soon seemed to grow closer. He didn’t want commitment but he did want to feel like a hero I guess, and they had been involved behind my back. There were arguments and tears and it was quite hard for me because she was like my sister and I had felt betrayed by both of them. (They are no longer in contact). I forgave her but I keep contact at a minimal level. After all this he was regretful and told me he was stupid and naive, he has a new friendship circle and is trying his best to improve himself which I appreciate. But even so, something is still holding me back. How do I reverse being ’emotionally unavailable’ whilst maintaining a balance between focusing on myself and improving things between me and him? I guess I feel a little guilty because he is still trying to be the man I’ve wanted and shown me love and appreciation now though I feel like I can’t return the same amount of love- like I’m under a little pressure. Either nothing or get into a relationship. Because friendship, where love is one-sided, was proving difficult. Hope to gain some clarity, I apologise I feel slightly conflicted x

Thanks Anita