To Anita: I completely understand and I don’t think I should rush or force myself into any experience without pursuing my best interest, which is myself, even if it may seem inconvenient for some.

I have spoken to the man and have told him of me wanting to let go, of course, he still believes I’m his soulmate and at college, it is hard to see him every day now knowing I cannot engage in contact with him. He was slightly reluctant to be friends at this point as I think he feels like he could have an emotional outpour with his intensity of feelings, which would not be good for either of us. I think with time we will both gain some clarity, we are still at an early stage. It is always bizarre how our mind likes to think of endless romantic possibilities after you let go, how convenient haha, but this inner chatter is something I am observing not indulging in. May we both succeed.

Out of the blue, a family death has occurred which has made this painful process a little harder but I am more than determined to grow. Life seems a little duller.

I think me and him will always have some kind of soul connection, we keep crossing paths time and time again and I am trying to figure out if this is God giving me a lesson to learn from or to give him a chance. I have always believed that loving someone from afar is okay as long as you let them flourish independently. But obviously, at this current moment in time, I hope to stay single and listen to my Inner Self as Marina stated and have a firm decision from there in the future as everything within seems a little blurred still.

To Marina: Thank you for the book recommendations, I have just finished Untethered soul, it gave me the opportunity to see things from a different light, I was wondering if you had any more advice or book recommendations I could try in this challenging period in my life.

To Monarchlover: Thank you for your kind words and advice, my heart every day feels a little lighter and forgives him more and more every day, I don’t believe I’ll suffer from the past everyday by leaving it like a rotten candy in my back pocket and am tackling the root of the problem and using this experience to be less naive in the future. With prayer and love life seems to be a little less scary. Sometimes I wonder whether his new spirit may be the man I need, I see growth in him everyday which is why I somehow get drawn back to him. But I hope to fill myself with love and affirmations for now and see where life takes me, I think I need to let experiences come rather than me forcing or constantly worrying about them.

I will update you kind souls later in the coming future of my journey.

Hi M

I understand all of this, but when you’re surrounded by everyone saying ‘once a cheater always a cheater’, you resort to the idea of a different possibility- if people change how long for? In my opinion, it’s been several months and he’s remained consistent the second time around with his behaviour which is why I always contemplate the chance we could be, as he’s been very supportive of me friendship wise. I could always leave, he knows that. But of course, the past is always there. I think the pressure of knowing he’s waiting but I’m not ready is more so the problem. I am struggling to find the difference between thinking wishfully and realistically, I think being stronger alone is always better than being half strong with a good person, which is why whenever I attempt to involve with a new person romantically, I tend to cut it off when it gets too serious because I compare everything to him, even though I am scared. Am I meant to give this time? Look for new people? Attempt again with him? Maybe gain some self-clarity? I’ve always been overwhelmed with possibilities.

Eeman.

Hi Anita

I think the lack of communication and commitment in the relationship really did have a knock-on effect on my self-confidence where I was really questioning my self-worth. And I think once I realised it was not healthy at that point, I promised myself to look after me and I did a bit of travelling and really focused on my education. I was in a better place, and I feel like because I’ve made this a bit of a self-love routine, it’s not working for me anymore, self love seems to be tiring. I feel frustrated with myself as he has come back new and improved better than ever knowing what he wants, which is me, but I’m still pushing him away because of fear that he could repeat the past. Maybe I’m not emotionally available but I cannot seem to put my finger on it because I feel like I have grown a lot in the past year. There is some part of me that is not ready so I keep telling myself to stay single but I am still not completely content alone?

Thanks

Eeman