Dear anita,

maybe it was just a very bad match. I know that it must have been not easy with me. I have problems showing my feelings, expressing what I want. Sometimes I wanted to hug him, but was too afraid to do it. He also told me a lot about his life, while I am hard to talk to at times. It is hard for me to talk a lot about myself, because of my insecurities. And dating someone, I was very overwhelmed. Maybe the increased bad feelings also just came from the different nature of the relationship. Everything happened way too fast for me and I didn’t know how to handle it. Also my fears about infecting him, must have been very hard to deal with. It must have been stressful for him, hard to understand.

To be honest, I don’t feel so good about having sent this harsh message. It surely was for the best to end it, as this wouldn’t have worked out most likely. But having ended it on such a bad note, it makes it harder for me to move on. Unlike you, I am not sure what to think about him. People are not just black and white, good or bad. Sometimes he was very sweet and genuine. He seemed to care a lot about his family, his country. But he also didn’t seem too interested in me for a longer time and I wish he would have said something. But people also are not perfect, and I am not perfect myself at all.

I guess it is all part of the learning experience. Finding my own way, trusting myself, learning how to deal with things.

What I have learned from all of this, is what I wrote down above: to speak out more, to trust my own gut feelings. This thread has also helped me to see things a lot clearer. And for this, I thank you anita.