Hi Ben.

Good to hear you are both seeing counsellors in one way or another, they will be able to help with being able to talk this through.

One thing I wanted to share is that from reading your posts, it seems to me you could try to listen to your wife better as well as spend some time thinking through your own thoughts so you are very clear in your own mind what you want and why. It actually sounds as though she has actually described quite well some very clear concerns about having children. You wrote “she cited the discomfort of pregnancy the pain of birth, the financial burden and the loss of freedom”. Each of those is a very valid concern – how did you respond to each of these?  From reading your posts, it seems to me as if you see having children very differently. From your perspective – do you only want a family if they are your own biological children or are you willing to be open to adoption – does that meet your need for children/family whilst meeting her concern on the impact and potential impact of pregnancy to her.  What is your plan financially for the family – will you both need to continue to work? Has your job situation stabilised or are you still considering what may well be coming across to her as quite random career changes. Are you willing to be the main caregiver and be the one staying at home, taking the bulk-load of the child-raising responsibility?

My apologies if I have misunderstood but the impression you give here is of someone looking for a very traditional family set-up, which whether you mean it or not is pressure on your wife and not an attractive option for her. Whereas is reality there are a lot more choices and options on how to be a family that could meet both your needs, as you work through them. I suspect it would also help if you could demonstrate your own responsibility and reliability which would help her feel more secure in making these choices – you have a number of times you come across here as  ‘fun uncle’, ‘the (to her I suspect) random job changes’ and other remarks that I suspect make her feel she is the responsible one in the relationship?

At the end of the day, there is no right/wrong/should-do in these situations. Your dreams are as valid as hers. Do you know what she does dream of?