Dear LeeAnn:

You wrote: “it feels more like torture”, you mean the therapy feels like torture, correct? If so, you should end the torture. You wrote that your niece has flourished with this therapy, but not all therapists are the same. Maybe her therapist is good and yours is not.

Changing psychiatric meds does make a difference, and often not a good one. I hope the nurse practitioner helps you with that.

What is clear is that you are very lonely and desperate for company, so much so that you are willing “to be used sexually” so to have company and you are “visiting past relationships just to feel not lonely”.

What can help you a whole lot, if available in your area, is to attend in person a self help group such as codependent anonymous, or emotional health anonymous, these groups used to exist years ago, maybe still, they are all based on the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) model. There you can have the company you need so much. But even in those groups, you have to be careful to not get sexually involved with other members and keep the companionship clear of such.

We humans are social animals, we need people in our lives, can’t really be healthy without people, without meaningful interactions with others. No therapy can take the place of this social need that we have. Maybe a yoga class where you are in the company of others can help, maybe joining a hiking group.

If you would like to share more about your life, past and present, anything at all, please do. I will be away from the computer for about 13 hours and will be glad to read from you when I am back.

anita