Exhausted from EDMR

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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by GL.

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January 29, 2019 at 12:22 pm #277641

LeeAnn
Participant

Hello-

I am soon to be 40 yo single mother of a son who is soon to be 19. I have struggled with mental health my whole life. Within the last 3 years, I have become very serious about getting help with it and have sought out a counseling/therapy. It started more as a mom struggling raising a boy who refused to get out of his own way. I started going to therapy once a month for myself and once a month with my son. His was more court appointed but fact is we got a lot out of it.

Now I am doing therapy still and started EDMR. Since beginning my EDMR, I have regressed a great deal. I feel like I am back in my early 20’s in my behavior. I am hooking up, allowing myself to be used sexually and visiting past relationships just to feel not lonely. I am recently single but ended that because I didn’t have those types of feeling for this person anymore.

Has anyone here gone through such therapy and feel better at the end? I guess I need to know I am not alone in feeling so completely exhausted, broken, alone, regressive, and that there is hope at the end of this dark tunnel.

It’s even more frustrating because I feel like I am doing this to get the self help I need and it feels more like torture than actual teaching of self love.

Any advice…..

January 29, 2019 at 1:18 pm #277657

Anonymous
Guest

Dear LeeAn:

My suggestion is that you immediately stop this therapy because it is not helping you.

You wrote: “I have regressed a great deal.. I am hooking up, allowing myself to be used sexually”- this is not what therapy is supposed to do. Of course there are regressions in any progress, a few steps forward, a step backward, maybe staying in place for a while, stuck, but your regression reads significant and you didn’t mention any progress.

Any particular technique, if it brings significant regression, it should be stopped or moderated, other techniques introduced, there should be flexibility in therapy, experimenting with different ideas, different techniques, seeing what works, what doesn’t work, instead of rigidly continuing with something that doesn’t work.

What did your therapist suggest when you shared with him or her the regression you are experiencing?

anita

January 29, 2019 at 1:33 pm #277659

LeeAnn
Participant

I have spoke to my therapist and my EDMR person and they seem to think it is all apart of my processing my past traumas. Also, in June I switched my meds up. And since that has happened, I have not felt 100%. I have also been working with nurse Practioner with getting it worked out. So is it my meds not working or my therapy really making me do much regressing. My niece did EDMR and she has really flourished. I have not really talked to anyone else who has done this type of therapy to see if this is something normal.

January 29, 2019 at 3:51 pm #277671

Anonymous
Guest

Dear LeeAnn:

You wrote: “it feels more like torture”, you mean the therapy feels like torture, correct? If so, you should end the torture. You wrote that your niece has flourished with this therapy, but not all therapists are the same. Maybe her therapist is good and yours is not.

Changing psychiatric meds does make a difference, and often not a good one. I hope the nurse practitioner helps you with that.

What is clear is that you are very lonely and desperate for company, so much so that you are willing “to be used sexually” so to have company and you are “visiting past relationships just to feel not lonely”.

What can help you a whole lot, if available in your area, is to attend in person a self help group such as codependent anonymous, or emotional health anonymous, these groups used to exist years ago, maybe still, they are all based on the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) model. There you can have the company you need so much. But even in those groups, you have to be careful to not get sexually involved with other members and keep the companionship clear of such.

We humans are social animals, we need people in our lives, can’t really be healthy without people, without meaningful interactions with others. No therapy can take the place of this social need that we have. Maybe a yoga class where you are in the company of others can help, maybe joining a hiking group.

If you would like to share more about your life, past and present, anything at all, please do. I will be away from the computer for about 13 hours and will be glad to read from you when I am back.

anita

January 29, 2019 at 3:52 pm #277673

Anonymous
Guest

* didn’t reflect under Topics

January 30, 2019 at 5:53 am #277721

Inky
Participant

Hi Leeanne,

One of my family members did EDMR. He didn’t regress, but it does bring up a lot of old stuff. Just because things come up for you to process doesn’t mean you should recreate the past to get through the initial trauma. That can be a thin line that’s easy to go over.

And sure, your niece did it, but since she’s younger she might have had less stuff to process.

I would take a break from it myself.

Best,

Inky

January 30, 2019 at 10:21 am #277769

edgarhope
Participant

Hello,

I have been doing EMDR now for over a year. It has changed my life for the better. It is hard at first because you are moving memories around in your brain and reliving past trauma. I think it is important to make sure the person you are doing it with is certified and doing it correctly. When doing it correctly it works and it will change your life, your core beliefs about yourself etc.

January 31, 2019 at 6:20 am #277847
LeeAnn
Participant
One thing, my therapist is certified and seems to think I am processing past traumas for sure. I am wondering how often you were doing it edgarhope? It is very hard. I started it around holidays and obviously family is a huge trigger of traumas.

My counselors/nurse practioner are all in the same practice. So they are all aware of what my treatment is. I feel very fortunate to have found this practice and their ability to try different types of therapy.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by LeeAnn.
February 1, 2019 at 8:27 pm #278157

GL
Participant

Dear LeeAnn

Certified or not, any counselor working with a certain method using distinctive tools must attend training, the question should be are they doing EDMR with you in mind or are they simply trying to test out this method of recalling memory and its dissociation to see if it might work for you? Not every trauma works well with the EDMR method nor does it work for certain people.

Also, ask yourself if your sessions in therapy is focus on working through your crucial concerns at the moment, since those concerns are what is first and foremost hindering some of your daily life. Are you working through strategy that addresses the loneliness you feel? How about role play on how to speak with your son? If you feel that you aren’t addressing any of your needs, talk to your counselor. It is their job to address your needs first before diving into what they think you can do since it’s your mental health that you are addressing, which you would know best, not your counselor.

Regression, addressing your trauma, in therapy does not work if you are not given tools to empower and validate yourself.
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