Hi Anita,

Thank you. I wanted to write again today especially because the turn in thoughts have been major! Here I am again stressed and doubtful. I have been sad and I have been numb. Thoughts of what happened to me, thoughts of what still remains. I haven’t really ever explained the emotional abuse I went through in my relationship to a narcissist. I have studied and researched narcissism for the past 6 months and I am still sickened by the thought of someone using me for 5 years and never loving me. I am hurt by all of the betrayal I am learning took place in my life because I have been forced to look into my child hood wounds. I am so hurt and just want someone to turn to. Some one to hold me and tell me it will be ok. Some one to have my best interest at heart. I do not feel I have that. And it is scary. I have people to turn to at times but it seems like conditional love. I am very hurt by my feelings today as I was once again heading in a good direction. I am trying to understand what triggers days like today. Today I feel terrified of life. I have thoughts of becoming depressed and unstable. I know these aren’t true but they are so scary to have. I am having a bad day Anita. Bad bad day. I know you this is normal, but is it really? Sometimes I feel I may be bi polar or have something wrong with my fluctuations of moods.