Thank you Anita, you always seem to help me settle my mind even if for the moment. I am trying not to be alarmed but it seems to be so frequent lately. The up and downs are draining. I am trying to figure them out and write them down so I can find a trigger or something. I had such hopes the other day we spoke and now no where to be found. That is so scary. How I can achieve this task of life this way? Surely everyone isn’t going through this or at least doesn’t seem like it. Right now my guess is that life is settling in, My mom past, my relationship failed and I found out I have being practically bamboozled most of my life by people who I thought loved me. I’d call this to say the least traumatic? I know I have PTSD and see a therapist through face time as much as financially possible. I have learned I have severe codependency traits so am working on boundaries and loving myself. This has been so difficult especially here in Chicago where all of my family resides and know me as being a certain way and now I am trying to be anything but that. But is that the right thing? Sometimes my mind tells me “just give in and be codependent it will feel better” my mind tells me to contact my ex and get that love back in your life. So many hard things happening to me. No wonder I have anxiety. My biggest fear right now is getting into a deep depression. So I try to stay on my toes but it is exhausting. I have yet to feel comfortable anywhere since being back here. I was used to my own place and space with my boyfriend and I was used to Florida. I haven’t even watched TV. It’s been 6 months. I am either bathing, reading about narcissism and codependency and looking at real estate trying to figure out what to do with myself. I really do not know what my next step is. Part of me is saying get away from my family and be alone for some time, and when I am in a better mood I think staying in Chicago is best because what will happen when I am all alone and have no one? Will I become isolated an depressed? I definitely catastrophize and have tried in every way to stop today. It is such an ugly feeling.