Dear Naveena:

You are not at all considering leaving your parents and you want them comfortable with you. They want to “take the primary decision” regarding your future marriage. They don’t want you to have a boyfriend. I suppose it is okay with them that you have a male friend, but not okay with you having a boyfriend except after they approve a particular man to be your husband.

This means that you don’t have a boyfriend until your parents approve of a man to be your husband. Then maybe it will be okay with them that the approved man will be your boyfriend between the time they approve of him and the marriage.

If I understand correctly, above, then I suggest that you have a conversation or a series of calm conversations with your parents in which you are very clear with them about you agreeing with them, that you will not have a boyfriend before and unless they approve of a man for you to marry, that at best you will get to know a man as a friend only before they meet the man. Let them know clearly that this is your plan.

Let them know that you regret having had a boyfriend without their approval and before they met him. Tell them this will not happen again, and see to it that indeed, it doesn’t.

Then ask them if they will be open to consider your friend (ex boyfriend) as a candidate for you in a few years, if he  settles career wise/ financially and if you and the young men will be indeed only friends between now and a few years from now.

Do you think you can have this kind of a conversation/ conversations with them?

anita