Dear anita,

I am sorry to hear that your foot is not completely healed. But most likely it will be in the future, maybe it just takes time. So with this type of weather you can’t go for your daily walks? Here it is getting warmer, I even saw the first spring flowers already.

I think this girl must have heard me, she even looked at me. And I also saw her several times again and didn’t say anything to her again and she also didn’t say anything to me.

Sometimes I worry too much about every little thing. And I always look for the fault within myself, but actually it was this girl who behaved strange, not me. I never did anything bad to her or anyone at the dormitory. Only that I isolated myself a lot, but that is actually not their problem!

Somehow the mood is weird here, I feel like something is going on, but I have no clue what it is about. But most people still say hello normally to me. Maybe it is nothing or a problem that they have amongst their group. Best to not worry about it. But I also want to maybe find another place to live, where I will feel more comfortable.

What you wrote about value, that some people think that others are worth less than them, I don’t like such a way of thinking. If this girl truly thought like that, it would be the best to not get to know her better. In any case, it is impolite and unkind to ignore another person. So I’m better off not being in contact with her. I only say hello to be polite, to let the other person know that all is o.K. But if she doesn’t want that, I will let her be.

What I want is to try my best to be kind to everyone. No matter their status, job, background or anything. Of course, if they choose to be disrespectful to me, I have to draw the line there. I believe the same thing like you, that every person is equal. I am still learning to keep that balance,  in real life I will maybe still make mistakes. But I am now more aware of myself: I want to be kind, but not let others disrespect me.

I also want to do the thing that you suggested, to value myself. Too often I put myself down. For example, I make excuses for my art stuff, when showing it to my professor. Or I say that it was not so good etc. I need to stop this! It is not helping at all.

But somehow I am feeling like the change within me has already begun. Sometimes I feel unhappy, unhappier than before. But at the same time I feel hopeful that change is possible. I have a good feeling about my new therapist and also the conversations here with you have helped me.