Hi Hella,

Well, to me, silencing someone by not acknowledging their emotions or reactions to what they do, i.e ghosting and gaslighting them, are ways to create a narrative as well. Silencing someone’s feelings gives you power over a narrative….I guess I wish someone else had the guts to stand up to him and support me instead of silently supporting him.

I agree with what you’re saying about narratives and I think I understand how you feel. This guy has a strong presence in this particular group (you say he owns it) so it’s no surprise that no one will stand up to him and support you. This is one of life’s tough lessons. Many (maybe most?) people won’t risk their positions in social circles in order to support those who may be on their way out. They’ll overlook what’s really happening in order to remain in good standing and not make waves. It’s terribly unfair and painful but it’s a very valuable thing to know.

I may be wrong but I don’t believe that sharing your feelings/frustrations with any of the members of this group will help your situation. I think it will only make things worse for you. It’s time to make a new set of friends and gradually walk away from this group. I’d continue to be pleasant to those who contact me, wouldn’t make my departure a big deal; I’d simply gradually stop showing up at things, as painful as it may be for you. I’d then work real hard at healing myself through acceptance, mindfulness, meditation, and by surrounding myself with people who sincerely care about me.

B