Dear Kkasxo:

I will do what I can do here to help you find that light switch and turn on the lights, communicating over time, if you want.

If we don’t have clarity, if we don’t see what is happening, there is no hope other than “getting through” the days. I hope you can do better than just get through life. Better live it with clarity, make a good use of your youth, of your excellent intelligence and evident social skills and live a remarkable life!

Reads to me that it would have been better if your mother, once she knew your bio father’s ways,  saw to it that he  would not be in your life, instead of making it possible for him to be in your life the way he was.

When he missed a visit, you felt disappointed. And he often missed visits, you wrote. That is a lot of disappointment, hurt, sadness.

Your mother often reminded him about your birthdays, school plays, etc. You figured early on that he didn’t really want to be in your life and that is why he “had to be constantly monitored by my mother”. This means that every time you were aware of your mother reminding him of an event and monitoring him, she sent you the message that … he doesn’t really want to be in your life.

She had good intention, thought you will feel loved having your bio father being in your life, but in between his actualized visits, the message delivered to you by a father that had to be.. forced to see you and by a mother who insisted on forcing him was that…  he didn’t love you.

When you turned 18 he ended all contact, is it because he felt that your mother couldn’t make him be in your life once you were no longer a child?

anita