Elizabeth,

Whatever the reason why your husband is acting the way he is (mid-life crisis, girlfriend as his drug, etc.), it is up to you to move on with your life rather focusing your energy on him, his life, his past, his job, etc.

He may find himself or then he may not.  I suspect the more you make a life for yourself without him, then that will push him to examine himself more.

I also suspect once you start divorce proceedings that will also shake him out of his mid-life crisis fantasy life style  I don’t see divorcing him as “giving up” but holding him accountable for his behavior, that all of what he has done has consequences.

Make sense?

Mark