Dear Anita,

I think you are right, but even knowing that this might have its source in my mothers behavior its difficult to change my behavior, my fear of beeing seen or is a sense being proven as bad.

Right now I came back from the doctors and I feel stupid. Last month I had a problem with the other knee (not the one that was supposed to get an MRT). It hurt a lot, but I failed at getting an appointment. I overthought the whole thing so much, made mistakes at making an appointment and in the end only went today. One of the things I had debated was “should I get an appointment for discussing the MRT or to get the other knee looked at”. But when I finally managed to make an appointment the office lady said “don’t worry, you can just discuss both”. When I went to the reception the receptionist asked “are you here to discuss the MRT” and I said “no to discuss a problem with the other knee”. And then I met the doctor, he immediately discussed the MRT with me briefly and send me on my way. I feel stupid for not voicing what I really wanted and kind of second class, I think he would have handled a client with private insurance different. I mean I get it, if he didn’t work like this he could see a lot less patients, and get less money but also help less people. Appointments at another doctors  have much longer waiting times. But I am wondering if it wouldn’t be better. Or maybe one doctor for each knee? Sounds a bit crazy.

Sorry I just needed to write this somewhere.