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Lara

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)
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  • #299277

    Lara
    Participant

    Hey Katie,

    I agree with Jay Jay, there are all kinds of reasons why she didn’t answer yet. Maybe she is still thinking about what to write.

    “She was my very very good friend for years. ” since you were close to her, your rejection might have hurt her more than that of Sarah. If Sarah wasn’t that close, well she was just one of many but to loose a very good friend over this, well that’s worse and she might be more reluctant to see you again.

    You made the first step towards her, how about leaving this for a while, she if she comes around. From your post I have a feeling that her reply is so important to you that you got ” really depressed about it” is that there is more to this.I am wondering: do you feel isolated yourself right now and getting back with your friend seems to you to be the only way to make friends with someone again? This is only a guess, its only that I wonder why now after breaking off your abusive relationship with your ex in 2018, this is so important.

     

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  Lara.
    #299275

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Liz,

    congratulations on getting to the point where you feel you can move on with life. How exciting!

    I was depressed/anxious all through my university years, when I got out I hardly had any working experience,  so I think I get it you when you write ” I am overwhelmed by how much catching up I have ahead of me, and I feel so much regret for the wasted years spent avoiding life and isolating myself.” I once said something similar to my theraphist, that I feel people are so far ahead of me. She said “Well then feel free to stand on the sideline, cheering them on while you wave them goodbye. And then go at your own pace.”I think thats a really useful attitude, because in the end thats all you can do.

    You allready have a plan for studying to apply for the internship, which is great. Have you considered working on your social skills as well? I mean nothing big, but maybe volunteering somewhere occasionally to get into contact with people?

    “why didn’t I do this two years ago?” because you weren’t ready back then and now you are.

    “I feel like there are too many things I need to do, but I realize it’s counterproductive to expect too much of myself all at once.” I agree with Kat, small steps are very important. When I got out of depression I set  small goals each day, putting them on a list and striking them off with a big marker when done, very satisfying for me.

     

    #296713

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Katie,

    good for you to distance yourself from your cousin then! She doesn’t sound like a good influence. There is so much out there to experience, I hope you can focus more on that. I wish you all the best!

    #296711

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear anita (and everyone),

    I just wanted to let you know that right now things are good. Not perfect but with the hyaloron injections knee No.1 got to a level where normal walking is not a problem. I agree that jogging probably is out of the question. Your post and also the one before helped me beeing more aware of what I do, especially when you wrote “We need to be as mindful as possible”. At one time I wanted to take a train, but couldn’t reach the plattform because the elevator was broken and I had my bycicle with me. I faced three flights of stairs, the train was supposed to arrive in five minutes but could I do this with my knees? Normally I would have tried anyway, but then I thought of your post and thought: no screw this, I am taking a different train on a plattform where the elevator works, even though it takes longer. Good decision for my knees I think.

    With both MRTs the ligaments or tendons were okay. My doctor even said about the second MRT that they couldn’t find any problem at all, which was a problem at the time, since knee No.2 was hurting a lot despite of that. But he precribed a bandage and a day later suddenly something clicked, and the knee was set right. I think the bandage is to thank for that. The knee is still in some ways more strained than knee No1, but way way better than before.

    So all I wanted to say is for now things are looking up.  The post got a bit longer than I planned, but really just wanted to give the feedback that things are good right now and thats is also thanks to your posts before. Hope you are doing well!

    #296709

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Tom,

    when I was depressed and afraid what helped me were multiple things, but the start was good theraphy (CBT) and walks every morning. There is a freedome in just walking, looking around you, noticing small things. Also it gets you started into the day! Do you live in an envorinment where you feel safe to do that?

    #288703

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    thank you for your reply. I don’t think this time it’s anxiety so much (though surely anxiety is allways involved) but rather hopelessness. Six months ago my knees were fine, and then it was steadily downhill with a few ups and downs. I went from someone who considered starting jogging again to someone who won’t go to a concert because the way might be too much for my knees. Maybe I just need more time to adjust to that.But to be fair, today I got my second injection and at least one knee feels much better right now. So maybe things are about to improve.

    How about telling your father: don’t joke with me anymore, don’t try to be funny, say what you mean in a direct, straightforward way. Do you think he may, just maybe accommodate you, and not just for a day, but all the time?

    I am not sure about this. For one joking is ingrained in him, its his way to connect with people. I do the same thing. So its difficult to draw a line “that joke is okay, that one isn’t”. Saying “no joke is okay” might make things real awkward.

    #288701

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Samantha,

    I think its perfectly normal that you want to know what your fatigue and hand tremors are about. It doesn’t mean you want to be sick, I think it means that you want to know what this is all about so you can act and make it better.

    I used to be tired as well, so much so that I sometimes would just lie on my bed. For me it was iron deficit, which you allready covered. I am sure you went to a lot of doctors allready, do you feel this got better for you?

    As for the hand tremors, I agree with anita that this may be rooted in anxiety. Surely you know allready that anxiety can manifest psysically in your body, for me it was a feeling of heaviness in my arms and stomach aches so strong that I thought I surely had an ulcer or something. Have you looked into relaxation techniques like autogenous training? I learned this in a class and its still useful for me. But I also wanted to say if you feel you want a doctor to look into this again then just go for it. Sometimes different doctors have different ideas and different approaches. If you feel its not “just” anxiety but something else, maybe you will feel better if another doctor with a different approach checks you out.

    #288301

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear JYK,

    it sounds like you feel isolated right now, I am sorry, I know how that feels, especially in a class situation it sucks. Have you tried reconnecting with your friends again? E.g. when they stand together with their new friends, just join the group? Or invite one of them to hang out? Or are there other people in your class that might be potential friends?

    Are there clubs at your college you might join to meet new people?

     

    #288289

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Frankly it’s not good, the knees got worse. Things are also looking up a bit though: I am getting treatment (hyaloron injections) for one knee and had another MRT this time for the other knee. To keep up with all the appointments I reduced working hours a bit, which I had dreaded, because I didn’t want to appear not in my A-game. But despite all the work resheduling everything is fine and maybe I can remember this for the future, that it’s possible to just say: sorry but this has to happen, how can we make that work with my work shedule?

    Still one knee hurts right now, I am sleeping badly (waking up at 3 AM, then awake due to thoughts and knees throbbing until 5 AM +, then sleeping again) and frankly I think I might very slowly be slipping back into depression. I am short tempered but also a bit disconnected. Its not so bad yet but the depression signs are getting more the longer the pain lasts.

    Recently I met with my father and I just exploded for little reason. I was telling him my choir would perform “near him” which in my language can also mean more specific “at your house”. And he of course made it into a joke, “what, you will perform at my house”? And I exploded, I was just so tired of allways beeing mocked whenever I let down my guard with him, when I don’t formulate things perfectly. His reaction was “well you know how I am” in that “well I didn’t mean it” voice. But I was just sick and tired of it. The rest of the meeting didn’t go any better, he asked two times what was up and otherwise pretended nothing was the matter. He has tried to call three times but I didn’t answer. I am effectively ghosting him. Someone in another threat said this behavior is imature and I agree, but I don’t know what to do. I have thought about going for
    “I” sentences: “sorry I don’t feel well right now so I don’t want to meet at this time. Let’s meet again when I feel better”

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lara.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lara.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lara.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lara.
    #287525

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear L,

    you post helped me a lot! The last time I went to the doctor (different doctor this time) I wrote down notes on a piece of paper and took that with me to not forget anything. I didn’t need to look at it when I was there but I had my thoughts all alligned to ask all the important questions.

    #287523

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear anita, how is your foot doing? I am a bit worried that you didn’t go to a doctor (due to experience) but I also totally understand that you know your body best and if you think this will heal on its own then maybe best just give the foot some rest. Take care!

    #287521

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Steve, I think you did everything right with your neighbor. You apologized for your plumber’s behavior in writing and in person, even went so far as to fire him. I hope you can leave this now behind you. Maybe you won’t even see your neighbor much due to different shedules, and when you see him you can just say “Hey how do you do?”

    Did you create a nice space for yourself in your house yet where you feel “at home”? E.g. a nice couch?

    #279901

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    thank you for getting back to me. I am not sure if I can find such a person, maybe my sister but we aren’t close right now. But its certainly something to think about and something I hadn’t considered at all until now, thank you. I hope you are doing well!

    #279899

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear monica,

    how are you doing these days? Sorry, things got rather busy and I had some problems and didn’t get back to you though I meant to.

    You wrote “25 is already old for people and should be somewhat established by now.” Oh yes, I know that feeling. I once said that to my therapist, she said: “Well if you feel like everyone is racing past you, feel free to take a moment to cheerfully wave them goodbye while you walk at your own pace”. Most people don’t know what they are doing, and some will run into a dead end and have to try again (which is okay too). You just start from where you are and take steady steps forward.

    ” But the world I was shown isnt like that ofcourse and everyone gets crap. Atleast from the words of mouths Ive seen and heard from other people.” Yes, that doesn’t sound like a world I would want to cheerfully step into, either. Quite frightening. But is it true? For some jobs, absolutely. But I don’t believe for all jobs. And also not for every human interaction. In my opinion one key is to have small, achivable goals to check out the world. E.g. small talk with someone you meet (that might actually be a big goal though). Just saying “Hello, how are you?” and test that with different people.

     

    #279895

    Lara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I think you are right, but even knowing that this might have its source in my mothers behavior its difficult to change my behavior, my fear of beeing seen or is a sense being proven as bad.

    Right now I came back from the doctors and I feel stupid. Last month I had a problem with the other knee (not the one that was supposed to get an MRT). It hurt a lot, but I failed at getting an appointment. I overthought the whole thing so much, made mistakes at making an appointment and in the end only went today. One of the things I had debated was “should I get an appointment for discussing the MRT or to get the other knee looked at”. But when I finally managed to make an appointment the office lady said “don’t worry, you can just discuss both”. When I went to the reception the receptionist asked “are you here to discuss the MRT” and I said “no to discuss a problem with the other knee”. And then I met the doctor, he immediately discussed the MRT with me briefly and send me on my way. I feel stupid for not voicing what I really wanted and kind of second class, I think he would have handled a client with private insurance different. I mean I get it, if he didn’t work like this he could see a lot less patients, and get less money but also help less people. Appointments at another doctors  have much longer waiting times. But I am wondering if it wouldn’t be better. Or maybe one doctor for each knee? Sounds a bit crazy.

    Sorry I just needed to write this somewhere.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)